Nurse: Do you smoke?
Older man: No.
Nurse: Have you ever smoked?
Older man: Yes.
Nurse: And how many cigarettes a day did you smoke?
Older man: Uh, three. No, five. A pack.
Nurse: And when did you quit?
Older man: Uh, yesterday.
Nurse: You're still smoking, aren't you?
Older man: Yes.
Hospital
Harlem, New York
Overheard by: Natalie
Male work-study student: I was gonna give a dozen roses to this girl I liked, but I decided not to. Do you want them?
Female full-time professional: If anyone's gonna give me 12 of anything it's gonna be inches.
University
El Paso, Texas
Office lady on phone to son: I don't know, I think we have it on tape… on tape. Video tape. No, not DVD, video tape. It's black and rectangular, and you put it in the VCR to watch movies. The VCR?… It's… look, just wait till I get home, okay?
Picktown, Ohio
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Bar girl: So you haven't picked up in a year?
Bouncer: Look, it has to be right. I can pick up a girl, ball-gag her and fuck her in the ass, but sometimes I want to cuddle too.
Bar
Melbourne
Austrailia
New client: Excuse me, but I think there's been a mistake. I don't need to see an attorney. I thought I made an appointment to meet with a legal aide… A legal… You know… What are they called?
Legal assistant: No, ma'am. Everyone meets with the attorney. They are the only ones qualified to give legal advice. Otherwise it's considered practicing law without a license.
New client: But I don't need legal advice, I just need someone to tell me what the law says!
Country Club Road
Eugene, Oregon
Marketing rep #1 (discussing jobless friend): Well, at least she's not sucking off the government.
Marketing rep #2: No, but she's sucking off everyone else!
Insurance Company
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Doug E Doug
Coworker on phone: All I want to hear is you had a class…I don't want to hear about being tied up… It's all in a day's work.
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: just trying to focus
Professor, to student who changed seats in between classes: It's okay if you sit there from now on, but you've got to be willing to commit. It's like monogomy -once you've made up your mind you've got to stick to your choice!
Loyola University
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: saelo
Clueless dude: Did you hear that Stump is coming to town?
Chick with a clue: What is that, the amputee review?
(pause)
Chick with a clue: You meant “Stomp”, didn't you?
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Ikeed Unaught
Coworker (loudly): Wow, it's really quiet in here!
Sales rep #1: Not anymore.
Sales rep #2: Shut up! You're ruining it!
Camden Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
