Clothes

…Though, to Be Fair, I Loved “Get the Party Started”

30-something female employee #1: Do you have a pink cowboy hat?
30-something female employee #2: Uh… Let me think. (pause) No, sorry.
30-something female employee #1: Oh, well. It seemed like something you would have.
30-something female employee #2: No, but you know who does have them? GT. And they're like 10 bucks there!
30-something female employee #1: Yeah! Giant Tiger, awesome!
30-something female employee #2: See, this is why I took Friday off, cause you're going to come in all pinkified…

Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Lannie

On the Plus Side, It's Like an EZ Pass to Paternity Suits

Crime scene tech, teaching a class: No, semen doesn't last. The sperm do. It's really hard to get rid of them, even after a few days. It's those tough little heads. You could put the clothes in the laundry and still find some. So…sorry ladies.

Las Vegas Street
Colorado Springs, Colorado

Dear Diary– Told Charlotte How I Feel Today!

Office chick #1: Hey, I like your shoes. Are they new?
Office chick #2: Thanks. I’ve had them for a while. I just haven’t been wearing them.
Office chick #1: They’re kind of low cut.
Office dude: Yeah, I can see a lot of arch. If this was the middle east, I’d totally be raping you right now.

Rancho Cordova, California

Overheard by: Good thing we’re in Cali.

I Think I Know What We’ll Be Serving at Your Farewell Party

Manager: You going to an interview or something?
Sales dude: Yeah. Like my tie?
Manager: It looks like whipped cream on a turd. Good luck.

1 Thomas Drive
Westbrook, Maine

Which Makes Them Ughs

Boss: Are we not paying you enough, that you have to come in wearing those shoes?
Cute female receptionist: What's wrong with my shoes?
Boss: They're covered in scuff marks.
Cute female receptionist: Stop being so superficial! And they're not scuff marks, it's pigeon crap.

Madison Ave
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Dasma

Dude, T-Shirt— and Never Speak to Me Again!

Male coworker to another: As a man, have you ever had your nipples get sore from your shirt rubbing on them?

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Amelia

It's Okay to Go Lipstick Just for Halloween, Ma'am

Director of content: It's hard to be slutty in flannel.

Manhattan, New York

I Was Happier When This Was an All-Idiot Company

Manager #1, waiting for elevator: He said it was intermittent.
Manager #2: He said it was what?
Manager #1: You know, like in her mittens.
Manager #2: Oh, in her mittens.
Manager #1: Yeah, mittens. (makes lobster claw motions with hand)
Manager #2: I never understand a word that comes out of his mouth.

Middleton, Wisconsin

Overheard by: The Receptionist

Our Annual Budget? Really?

Young employee on cell: You know how you wear pants that are too tight and you get that mark? It's kinda like that.

Delran, New Jersey

Overheard by: Bruce Banner

My Bra Comprises the Cones Of Memory

Committee member: I forgot to bring in my receipts. I am wearing the cone of shame. I have put a reminder in my bra so that when I get undressed tonight I will remember to get those to you.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Rose Fox

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