Division manager, addressing 200-member division: As part of the new policy, employees will not be allowed to carry over vacation days to next year.
District manager: Could I use days I have left in the first week of January?
Voice from speakerphone: That's next year, asshole!
(stunned silence)
Morristown, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jack Satan
Manager: We don’t have a single product with an orifice
2299 Ridge Road
Greenville, South Carolina
Office woman to male manager with aluminum water bottle: Wow, look at you! Going green! Nice!
Manager: If a man really wants to go green, he'll kill himself and let himself be used as fertilizer.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Intern
Boss: Sorry, I didn't recognize you.
Potential client: It's okay, my girlfriend is blind.
Boss: Your girlfriend is blind? Like Stevie Wonder blind?
Potential client: Yes, like Stevie Wonder blind.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Aimee
Blonde female to another: Yeah, we used to call out of work together and just spend the entire day (hits fist into hand) Bam! Bam! Bam! All day long!
Boss, overhearing conversation: Good to know.
Atlanta, Georgia
Male supervisor who drives a PT Cruiser: My car’s as much of a chick magnet as me walking into a room without a shirt on making farting noises with my armpit.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Coworker to colleague at going away party, unaware that boss is right behind him: I'm sorry you're leaving… but I don't blame you.
Florence, Alabama
Overheard by: glad it wasn't me
Boss on phone: Yeah, you know that thing you removed? Well it's growing back, and it's irritated.
Los Angeles, California
Bartender: I was sitting at the bar having a beer before work, and an old lady came up and gave me the nicest compliment.
Manager: Oh, yeah? What did she say?
Bartender: She told me that I was a very pretty girl and I should get up off the barstool and quit being a slut all my life.
Manager: So, she really called you a slut.
Bartender: Well… I guess she did.
405 N Interurban Avenue
Richardson, Texas
Supervisor: Now, you will never truly experience hallway sex until you're married.
Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
