Fat male boss: So, how are you feeling these days?
Slim, seven-months-pregnant admin assistant: Pretty good, but my back is starting to hurt a little from the 17 pounds I’ve gained.
Fat male boss: You know, you’re going to want to watch that. That weight isn’t easy to take off once you’ve put it on.
Zeeland, Michigan
Overheard by: So glad I no longer work for him
President, referring to company’s succession plan: I just want to hold out until it gets turned over to you guys. I want to see you guys take it.
Assistant: You see us take it every day.
Rodeo Park Drive
Santa Fe, New Mexico
Female peon: Okay, I’m going to Erin’s* dinner. See you tomorrow.
Male boss: Do me a favor — when you see her, squeeze her ass for me.
Female peon: Why don’t you squeeze her ass yourself?
Male boss: Are you kidding? That would be sexual harassment.
150 Mineola Boulevard
Mineola, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Assistant: What are you up to?
Boss, gleefully: I’m fucking about!
Queen Street
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Kate
Clerk: God, why is that old man so angry?
Manager: Give him a break. How many more times is he going to be buying new shoes? He’ll probably be buried in these.
Old crab, from across room: I’m not deaf, you bitches!
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Shipping manager: Man, something smells good over here!
Nearby cube girl: It’s not me!
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Countin’ down the days…
Supervisor: Did you happen to locate that file while I was away this week?
Employee: No. I’m not comfortable rooting through your drawers. I feel like I am up to something.
Supervisor: Uhhh…
100 Cushman Street
Fairbanks, Arkansas
Overheard by: quiet one
Coder #1: I just can’t work in these pants!
Coder #2, raising hand: Seconded!
Boss #1: No! Motion fails!
Boss #2: Indeed — pants remain a workplace requirement!
7255 East Hampton Avenue
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
Boss, during staff meeting: Does anyone have anything to add?
Coworker: Yeah, I just wanted to say that–
Boss: –Man, this coffee tastes weird! [Shrugs and continues drinking.]
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Employee: I don’t want anymore customers to come in.
Manager: I know, me either. [As old lady with walker approaches door] Dammit… I hope she dies before she gets to the door.
Portland, Oregon
