Boss: So, where did Mike* go?
Underling: He had to go home. Some pet emergency. He said there’s an unidentified liquid coming out of his cat’s ass.
Boss: Well, that’s an excuse I’ve never heard before…
Cypress Street
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: I didn’t need to know that
Underling to boss, incredulous: The lord was cock-blocking you?!
Boss: Sure! It’s in the bible!
Los Angeles, California
Lady peon: I had a third thing to mention to you.
Manager: Okay, go ahead.
Lady peon: When I was on the phone with Susan*, she got mad at me. She told me to chill in a very inappropriate tone.
Manager: Uh-huh.
Lady peon: I think she’ll sabotage your party over this. I think she’s gone around the bend.
Manager: You think she’s gone around the bend?
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: Making Copies
Boss: Can you program this DVD player?
Temp: Um, maybe. I don’t know.
Boss: I thought you graduated from film school. What do they teach you there?
Temp: Obviously nothing useful for a later career.
Vienna
Austria
Overheard by: cinekat
Supervisor: I’ve always wondered where the 13th floor is.
Employee #1: They just call thirteen ‘fourteen.’
Supervisor: I know that. But where is it? Is it just an empty space that the elevator skips?
Employee #2: Yeah, like, is it just completely unfinished and empty on that floor?
Employee #1: No, the 14th floor is actually the 13th floor, they just skip the number 13 because people are afraid of it.
Supervisor, skeptically: Mmmm.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Aaargh
Employee: Uhhh, I got a job offer from another company… And I want to quit…
Boss: What?! How much did they offer you?!
Employee: Ummm, two times more than I get here.
Boss: Did you tell them that you’re a slacker?
Employee: Nope, but I told ’em that you appreciate my work so much that you wanted to raise my salary two times.
Boss: Bullshit! Give me their phone number and I’ll tell them the truth about you! And also, you’re fired!
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: jullylully
Manager: Are the fries ready yet?
Underling: Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!
Wendy’s, Troy-Schenectady Road
Latham, New York
Overheard by: AndyfromLakewood
Boss: You have to clean your work space. It’s a mess.
Worker: The space is clear. It’s only my desk that’s a mess.
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Manager to secretary: Excuse me, could you please put this in the fridge? I pity the person that tries to drink that… It looks exactly like apple juice, doesn’t it? But it’s really a urine sample I need to take to the doctor’s this afternoon…
Project Drive
Tempe, Arizona
New hire: They finally mopped the floor by my desk.
Boss lady: Did they wax your area, too?
728 State Street
Madison, Wisconsin
