Boss: I am sending emails like a wildman, I just can’t get them.
Assistant: Maybe your email box is full. Wait, no, you delete everything
Boss: Well, it could be full. I have 1,100 emails.
Assistant: Gah!
Boss: I’m not getting anything but this error message
Assistant: Wait, you’re getting an error message? That could be helpful; what does it say?
Boss: It just says “error”
Assistant: This is going to be a long day, huh?
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Boss, holding meeting: So, you want to handle this thing?
Female employee: No.
Boss: What’s the matter? You can’t handle Harlem at night?
Female employee: No.
Boss: Faggot.
Queer employee: I’m surprised you used that word.
Boss: What? ‘Faggot’?
Queer employee: Yes.
Boss: Obviously I don’t think she’s gay. I said ‘faggot’ in the sense of, you know, a sissy. No guts.
Drama queen employee: Besides, you faggots call each other ‘faggot’ all the time. I know you do.
Queer employee: I guess.
Boss: Glad we settled that. [To female employee] Now… I expect you to take your sissy ass to Harlem and take care of this thing.
Law firm
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Customer, softly: Uh, someone pooped on the floor in the ladies’ room.
Hostess: Ewww!
Manager: I’ll get a Mexican.
Restaurant, Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Senior worker: Here, put this old information into the new database so we can clear out the clutter in the back room.
Junior worker: This is a floppy disk.
Senior worker: So?
Junior worker: So who has a floppy drive anymore?!
Senior worker: I'm sure someone here has a floppy drive. Just ask around.
(five minutes later)
Junior worker, shouting across office: Jack's got a place you can stick your floppy!
Mississauga
Canadia
Overheard by: uncomfortable.com
Employee: I have to leave, my mother’s bleeding.
Manager: Again?
Employee: Bleeding somewhere down there [gestures below waist] — she’s not sure where.
Manager: What kind of doctor do you call for that?
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Co-worker #1: Did you just say you asked the location to give the
customer a little ass?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, ass…ya know, assistance.
Co-worker #1: Um…once again…ass is not the abbreviation for
assistance.
Boss: What’s going on?
5330 E. 31st Street
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Boss: So, is there any other duty that you do on a daily basis that we should include on this list?
Worker: You mean other than miscellaneous bullshit?
Boss: Well, how much time do you spend on miscellaneous bullshit everyday?
Worker: Depending on the day, between 10 minutes and 8 hours.
4913 West Laurel Street
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: hang on voltaire
Boss: So why did they start having this weekly meeting anyway?
Co-worker: It started out with all of us sitting around eating pizza, talking casually; you know, just shooting the fan.
525 East 68th Street
New york, NY
Foreign boss: [Cynthia], what are you eating?
Veronica: A breakfast burrito.
Foreign boss: Oh, no, [Cynthia]. You will never find a boyfriend.
350 South Beverly Drive
Beverly Hills, California
Overheard by: ben rosman
Manager: I hate my new badge picture. It makes me look like I have a fat head.
Employee: But you do have a fat head.
Manager: I know that. I just don’t want to advertise it to the whole world.
610 Gateway Drive
North Sioux City, South Dakota
