Boss to junior staffer: Don't go take a poop and take forever!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Jeff
Boss to junior staffer: Don't go take a poop and take forever!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Jeff
Co-worker: I was trying to fix the report, but it is unedible.
Boss: It doesn’t taste good?
222 Severn Avenue
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: Tits McGee
Sergeant: But seriously, what would happen if the sun turned off?
Soldier: Well, you’d still have like, millions of years while the thing cooled off.
Sergeant: Naw, f*** that, like what if God threw a circuit breaker?
Lieutenant walks in
Soldier: Hey LT, you ran a nuclear plant before you came in the service, right? What would happen if someone popped the circuit breaker on the sun right now?
Lieutenant has a pained expression on his face.
Sergeant: Seriously, we’re not gonna let this go until we have an answer from a reputable source.
Soldier: We could go on like this for the rest of the deployment.
Lieutenant: Alright guys, it’s like this…
Soldier:…man, I’m never asking LT another question, ever.
Lieutenant: Good, ’cause I wasn’t gonna answer it anyway.
Mozul Airfield
Iraq
Overheard by: Bobby
Supervisor: Trust me. I’ll take care of it.
Employee: The last time I heard that line I ended up pregnant.
631 Dickinson Avenue
Greenville, North Carolina
Supervisor: He hasn't been coming to work because he is an alcoholic.
Coworker: I know what that feels like. Last week I was drinking for a while in my yard and I totally pissed my pants. I had to wash them.
San Diego, California
Boss: No, you can't hump Bill's leg.
Underling: Dammit!
Mound Court
Merrimack, New Hampshire
Manager: Jen*, what happened to dress code?
Jen: I just rolled my pants up. I was hot.
Manager: Did you shave your legs?
Jen: Yes.
Manager: Then it’s okay.
3 Kent Road
New Milford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Nik
Worker #1: Hey boss, this safe is over 7 feet tall!
Boss: Oh, geez!
(calls worker #2 over)
He's saying the safe is over 7 feet tall. Do you went to measure it? Why did you tell me it was less than 5 feet?
Worker #2: Well, when I went to check it I could stand inside it and I'm 5'2″
Nederland, Texas
Female personnel supervisor: How’s it goin’, sexy britches?
Female employee, staring before laughing: They’re just jeans…
Female personnel supervisor: You better not report me to HR for that.
Female employee: Only if you promise to never combine those two words again. Ever.
Research Boulevard
Maryland
Overheard by: Baggy Trousers
Coworker: So, when a new client comes in we lock them up in the Olive Garden.
Manager, after a moment: You mean ‘walled garden’?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: I am hungry
