Supervisor: I think my bird is dying. What should I do?
Coworker #1: Put it in a bag and tie it to your car exhaust.
Coworker #2: Put it in the freezer.
Coworker #3: Put in a bag and whack it.
Supervisor: You people scare me… Go back to work.
Chicago, Illinois
Managing Director: Hey, there’s something wrong in my sister’s account. Her street name is spelled wrong.
Assistant: Is she a rapper?
1999 Avenue of the Stars
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: oink
Manager: Everybody hide and don’t make any noise.
Employee: Um, we’re in a cube. Exactly where do you want us to go?
Manager: Under the tables and behind the privacy screens. Now everyone shut up.
Employee: Considering John sits right next to this cube and these dividers aren’t soundproof, this smoke and mirrors trick really is a failure.
7 Times Square
New York, NY
Boss to employee: After you pound four beers your balls always end up in the gutter.
San Francisco, California
Manager: I just want to make sure we’re all in agreeance.
110 E. Clayton Street
Athens, Georgia
Boss: You know me, if I want to pick up my right foot I first step on my left foot so that I have a back-up to lift with.
Employee: I see you have a belt and suspenders.
Boss: Exactly.
510 Adams Street
Sheboygan Falls, Wisconsin
Boss: I don’t get it. Why are these entries all wrong?
Data entry grunt: Look at the user report. Out of 75 users, 67 of them are entering the data incorrectly. We need to get those 67 in a training session so we’re all on the same page.
Boss: I’m not sure how — I’ve never had to do this before.
Data entry grunt: Right… Can we just take a moment here so you can explain to me why you’re the manager but I’m the one that does the managing?
K-V Road
Victoria, Virginia
Manager: We will have a meeting later on to make sure everyone is happy.
Employee: But today is [Kelly]’s turn to be happy, not mine…I can pretend to be happy.
8 The Grove
Slough, Berkshire
UK
Female peon: Did you cock-block me last night?
Supervisor: No, I don’t think so.
Male peon #1: Wait — is there a female equivalent to the cock-block?
Male peon #2, after long pause: Vag glue?
East 57th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Chris J.
Boss storming through office: Fuck those idiots! They couldn’t sell pussy to a troop train!
New girl: What about a train? [Long pause] And did he just say ‘pussy’?
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: On the laugh train…
