Engineer #1 to #2: What the hell is up with your hair?
Engineer #2: Nothing, leave me alone!
Boss to engineer #2: Don't you shower? You look like a bush hog.
Engineer #1: Yeah, you look like a bush hog.
Engineer #2: Of course I showered. I washed my hair last night. Leave me alone. What the hell is a “bush hog”?
Engineer #3: A homosexual hedgehog.
Engineer #2: Does my hair really look that bad?
Coolidge, Arizona
Coworker #1: Mine feels bigger than yours.
Coworker #2: Yours definitely looks bigger than mine.
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: A.P.
Female employee, preparing for office happy hour: Do any of you have a bottle opener for the beer?
Male employee #1: He does.
Male employee #2: No, I don't.
Male employee #1: Yes you do, isn't there one on your belt buckle or key chain?
Male employee #2: Uhhh… No.
Male employee #1: Really? I'd swear that last time we did this, you took something out of your pants that did the job very well for her.
Kansas City, Missouri
Woman exiting bathroom stall to woman washing her hands at sink: Shirley! I like you! You've filled out your jeans!
Chesapeake, Virginia
Loud coworker: Well, what did he make it stiff with?
Quiet coworker, mumbling: Glue and a hairbrush.
Swiftwater, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: wookie
Boss to underling: Let me pull my package back out so it is in front of me.
Black Diamond, Washington
VP: What's the name of the company I'm thinking of? We've got a job with them.
Engineer: Starts with…?
VP: A. A something. Aaaaaaa…
Engineer: Ass-fuckers anonymous?
VP, quietly: Ass-fuckers anonymous… Ass…
Engineer: Yeah, AFA, but trust me, it's not that. I just made that up.
VP, very loudly: Ass-fuckers anonymous!?
Engineer: Dude, can you not yell “ass-fuckers anonymous” when I'm in your office?
Paterson, New Jersey
PR guy to marketing guy: You know, I'm just going to massage it a little. I just want to get it into your hands as soon as possible, you know?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: the girl who cannot hear
Manager giving out hot dogs at company picnic: Why don't you pry open your buns there so I can slide my meat in?
Milton Mall
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: amused worker
Suit in bathroom: Don’t you hate it when the hole in your underwear is in the wrong spot?
Cottage Grove
Wisconsin
Overheard by: um.. yah
