Body Parts

Female staffer #1: You know what David* said to me? He said, “In case you know anyone who’s having a vasectomy, I have some advice for you to give them.” And then he told me about how they gave him a jock strap to wear after his surgery to keep everything in place, but that the one they gave him was too small. And I said, “David! I don’t want to hear any more!” But he kept talking about how uncomfortable it was to wear a jock strap that was too small for him after having his vasectomy. I was afraid he was going to start describing exactly how his balls were getting squeezed.
Female staffer #2: See, that’s a perfect example of how David is always so passive. If he weren’t so passive, he’d just say, “I want everyone to know I’m hung like a horse.”

10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Male employer: You shaved this morning!
Male employee: Your hands are cold!

Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Way Too Early in the Morning

Employee #1: You know that part of your brain that stops you from doing stupid shit?
Employee #2: Nope.
Employee #1: Oh.

Galleria
Houston, Texas

Overheard by: consultantinka

Grad student: I have to scoop my boobs out of my armpit when I lay down.

Charleston, South Carolina

Male postdoc: Are you sure you can’t do this experiment alone tomorrow?
Female postdoc: I’m sure! I’ll ask someone to help! I can’t do it alone! I’m too short! Pretty! Boobs, and stuff!

Physics Lab
Hunter College, New York

Coworker, about truffles for office-sponsored fundraiser: Okay then, so we'll have truffles rolled in espresso, red sprinkles and peanuts…wait, did we scratch the nuts?

Rice Lake, Wisconsin

Lab manager: Well, we'll just keep the one with biggest rack.

Baltimore, Maryland

Office grunt: I do have a great divide!

9350 Wilshire Boulevard
Beverly Hills, California

Overheard by: lonecomic

Guy #1: Dude, can you believe breast pumps cost 350 dollars?
Guy #2, walking by: Why the hell are you looking at breast pumps?
Senior partner: There are some things you should really just not say out loud in the office, man. Come on!

Houston, Texas

Office manager to female employee: I have been told that when you are in the office, the women's bathroom goes though massive amounts of toilet paper.
Female employee: I don't have to talk to you about that, that's bowel harassment!

Louisville, Kentucky