Receptionist, as editor walks in: How did [aspiring author] sound on the phone?
Editor: I dunno, what do you mean?
Receptionist: Well, I sent him information about how to publish his book, and he told me that his family was trying to kill him.
Lawrence, Massachusetts
Co-worker #1: Hey, what did you last night?
Co-worker #2: I wanted to watch Joey last night but the President was on. Every time I turn on the TV anymore, it’s hurricane this and hurricane that. Makes me wish the hurricane never happened!
Co-worker #1: …I think Joey was on later in the night.
Co-worker #2: Damn it!
500 Eldorado Boulevard
Broomfield, Colorado
Customer: You mean you don’t have any wheelchair seats left for that matinee?
Assistant manager: No ma’am. We have a lot of senior citizen groups that come to matinees and they tend to fill up our wheelchair seats.
Customer: Well, I would say put me and my husband in two regular seats, but he doesn’t have any legs!
Husband: It’s true, I don’t have any legs!
Assistant manager: Ummm, ok. Let me see what I can do for you.
Shenandoah University Theatre ticket office
Winchester, Virginia
Overheard by: Jennifer Ellerbe
Co-worker #1: I heard that the wood plant is going to take a floating holiday and shut down for opening day of hunting season.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, kind of like IT’s unofficial holiday for opening day of Star Wars.
901 44th Street SE
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Large effeminate guy with German accent: These are the metallic pencils you do not have! (waves crayola box at employee)
Employee: Okay… Sir?
German guy: Do you know vat I am making? A portrait of Al Pacino! To really capture his manliness! Once I did a picture in charcoal but my art teacher said to really get the effect, I vould haf to burn it!
Joann's Fabrics
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: manybellsdown
Director, miming painting a wall: This is painting. It's kind of like bitch-slapping.
Adult Film Company
New York
Overheard by: fetishgirl
Manager #1: Do you think Christmas carols are appropriate for when the
prospective client comes in at 2?
Manager #2: What’s wrong with Christmas carols?
Manager #1: I just feel like it doesn’t represent us.
Manager #2: You’re asking the wrong person, because I love christmas carols.
Underling: Well, [the CEO] is the one who put this playlist on.
Manager #1 & #2: Oh, okay.
552 Broadway
New York, NY
Employee on phone: Church choir practice kicked my ass last night!
1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: DB
Temp: So the seal was playing a wind instrument?
Mount Holyoke College
South Hadley, Massachusetts
