Store manager: Someone smells like a hamster!
Startled employee: What?
Store manager, sniffing startled employee: It's you! You smell like a hamster!
Startled employee: I don't own a hamster.
Toy Store
Bridgewater, New Jersey
Overheard by: Startled Customer
Boss: So I asked my vet if I should let him eat the placenta.
Worker: What the heck did my ears ever do to you?
McKinney, Texas
HR rep: I thought we killed the dinosaurs!
Toronto
Canadia
Supervisor to manager: You know I’m leaving work early today, right?
Manager: That’s right… For what, again?
Supervisor: I’m getting my cat shaved.
(pause)
Supervisor: My cat… like, our pet cat. A feline.
Ambassador East Hotel
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: laughing one cubicle over
Coworker on phone: It doesn't still smell like squirrel, does it?
Portland, Oregon
CEO: That would basically put me in the position of a shitting duck.
Calgary
Canadia
Redneck high school kid checking out campus: Guantanamo Bay? Is that one of the places the bugs attack in Starship Troopers?
UT Campus
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Flabbergasted Longhorn
Developer: So we need to get those trees down before the rafters come back.
Underling: “Rafters”?
Developer: R-a-f-t-e-r-s. You know, like a hawk? They’re gonna nest in the trees if we don’t cut ’em down first.
Underling: Right. Raptors.
855 Capitolio Way
San Luis Obispo, California
Employee, about coworker: Now, she is what we call an “amazon woman.” She's been known to eat puppies, kittens, and babies. You might have to jog a bit to keep up with her. Following the amazon woman to lunch is like chasing a wildebeest across the savannah.
Dallas, Texas
