Canadian woman: Things have been so strange around here lately with all the closed door meetings and whispering. Even my dog was really restless the other night, but I think she was sensing the earthquake and possible tsunami.
4027 Tampa Road
Oldsmar, Florida
Coworker #1: How's the new dog?
Coworker #2: It's a shitload of work. I haven't been out in weeks.
Coworker #1: Really? That sucks!
Coworker #2: I think my dog is turning me asexual.
Washington, DC
Rep #1: She wears disgusting eye makeup…like a tarantula.
Rep #2: Gross!
Rep #1: I know. She looks like a tramp. I mean, she can’t keep her legs closed.
Rep #2: Nasty!
Rep #1: She thinks she is so hot. Yeah, right.
Rep #2: Wait, isn’t she like, your best friend?
Rep #1: Of course!
Plainfield Pike, Rhode Island
Receptionist: What if a man mated with a cheetah? Would he be able to participate in the Olympics?
Redmond, Washington
Overheard by: Cheetaur
Checkout girl: Hi, how are… [Turns to employee at next register.] Have I ever told you how badly I want a pet monkey? Like, besides getting out of this hellhole, it’s, like, the only thing I want in life.
Oneida, New York
Overheard by: fellow customer in line
Boss to office drone: Your monkey should be working.
Denver, Colorado
Boss, reading random facts to assistant: A turtle can breathe through its butt!
Assistant: I may not inhale, but I certainly exhale from there.
Coronado, California
