Guy to friends: I'm sorry, I have to write a story about crabs. I have to run.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: that's awkward
Guy to friends: I'm sorry, I have to write a story about crabs. I have to run.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: that's awkward
Boss to distant customer inquiring about the weather: Holy fuck–it's rainin' harder than a cow pissin' on a flat rock.
Columbia, New Jersey
Manager #1: Hey, how was your weekend?
Manager #2: It was good, didn't really do anything.
Manager #3, walking into the room: I really need to get a wig because of this shark problem.
Manager #1: Uh… what?
Manager #2: I know what we were talking about, but what the fuck are you on about?
Denver, Colorado
Dog owner: I used to have a Rottweiler too, but he died. They don't have very long lifespans.
Coworker: That's because they are fueled by liquid hate and the fingers of small children.
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Cubicle drone on phone: So not only is it wild, but it's attached itself to you?
Plains, Pennsylvania
Receptionist to boss: Susie craps like a buffalo.
Tempe, Arizona
Boss to intern: You know that manatees are really just fish, right?
Jacksonville, Florida
Salesperson, in response to reading a news article: Why would anyone name their pet Booger, then have him cloned?
Customer: I wish aliens would come down and take Paris Hilton away.
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: bearer of randomness
