Older woman: It isn’t good for your metabolism to eat too little.
Younger woman: Yeah, I remember when I was a kid and saw those starving African kids on TV. I said, “They aren’t fat, look at their bellies!” That’s what happens when you don’t eat enough, you get bloated.
1500 University Drive
Billings, Montana
Co-worker #1: Do you want to go to lunch?
Co-worker #2: I’m on a diet.
Co-worker #1: But we’re going to get ice cream afterward.
800 E. 96th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Butcher: Careful! Blood on the ground’s slippery.
Clerk: …I never want to hear anyone say that to me again.
110 Route 23
Riverdale, New Jersey
Co-worker #1: You need to use more tact.
Co-worker #2: Attack what?
Co-worker #1: No, tact. T-A-C-T.
Co-worker #2: What’s that?
Co-worker #1: Exactly.
845 Third Avenue
New York, NY
Casting chick: A lot of people don’t get my sense of humor.
Stylist: So change it!
12 West 27th Street
New York, NY
Girl: I think grad school is slowly sucking away my soul.
Guy: Oh, come on. Like you ever had a soul?
Girl: At least we could probably make a book out of this.
Guy: Indeed. Chicken Soup for the Soulless?
1745 Broadway
New York, NY
Producer #1: I saw the naked pictures just now.
Producer #2: And?
Producer #1: I think he should take them down.
12 West 27 Street
New York, NY
Mail clerk #1: I got the new pair of shoes because I don’t like what my old ones look like.
Mail clerk #2: Try crack, then you won’t care what you look like.
525 West Van Buren Street
Chicago, Illinois
Boss: Hey, you guys! We’re supposed to be a team. I think we should take a vote on the grimy chicken.
550 Bowie Street
Austin, Texas
Employee #1: Shit!
Employee #2: What?
Employee #1: I told you how I had eleven thousand spam messages in my other email address?
Employee #2: No, I didn’t knew that.
Employee #1: So I did as [Filippo] said, I grabbed them from within Yahoo! mail, figuring out it would throw the spam away automatically.
Employee #2: Really.
Employee #1: Apparently it doesn’t do that for another email account. Shit. Now I screwed my Yahoo! mail too. I can’t believe it. I’ll have to manually check eleven thousand messages as spam on this precious address. I am going to kill myself.
Employee #2: Wait, you have to read eleven thousand messages? Who send you that?
Translated from the Italian.
Viale Bianca Maria 6
Milan, Italy
Tech Support Technician: Okay…go ahead and open up the internet.
777 S. Figueroa Street
Los Angeles, California
