Advice

Male coworker to female coworker: Naw! You should just put out for the iPhone.

Oakbrook Terrace, Illinois

Overheard by: Corporate America Ate My Young Adulthood

Lady peon: What? No! You don’t wanna put your boobs on the toilet seat!

Akron, Ohio

Overheard by: I don’t even want to know, really

IT guy #1: You just need to shut your mouth and cowboy up.
IT guy #2, shocked: Cowboy up!?
IT guy #1: Yeah, cowboy up.
IT guy #2, dismissively: Cowboy up, my ass…

New Jersey

Overheard by: Sully

Techie: We should close the front doors or turn off the a/c to save some power, since it's blackout season.
Bad admin: I can tell you're paid on salary.
Techie: Uh, hmm?
Bad admin: I get paid hourly, therefore I like blackouts. If there's a blackout, I get to sit at my desk and do nothing for a few hours.

Santa Barbara, California

Meeting speaker: Either get on the train or get off the boat.

Washington, DC

Office guy to mother of five: There's five of you. That means you have five extra kidneys. You can get good money for those!

Massachusetts

Overheard by: Friday

Woman clerk: You all need to get your hot flashes together so we can get to work!

Springfield, Ohio

Overheard by: Azazel

Mom, as toddler runs into doorway: Look out, Helen Keller!

E Hadley Road
Indiana

Overheard by: Amanda

Sock Puppets, in Particular

Middle-aged copywriter to young techno weenie: PowerPoint is nice, but don’t ever underestimate the power of puppets.

West Lexington Street
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Here4theLaughs

Cubicle guy #1: Variety is the spice of life!
Cubicle guy #2: Ha ha! Yeah, right, ask your wife that and see what she says!

Columbus, Ohio