Blonde coworker: And I was like “way to throw me under the rug!”
Brunette coworker: Umm… it's “under the bus.” “Way to throw me under the bus.”
Male coworker: Get it? It hurts. If you were thrown under a bus it would hurt.
Blonde coworker: Well, it would hurt if someone was walking on the rug and you was under it!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: jen
Make-up artist: I heard you broke your wiener.
Male performer: Damn it, who told you? You're the eighth person to ask me that this morning.
Make-up artist: Oh, Mike* told me.
Male performer: That guy!
Make-up artist: He's the wiener whisperer.
Adult Film Company
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: fetishgirl
Southern lady #1: Oh my goodness, I lost my ring!
Southern lady #2: Oh no! Let me help you look for it.
Southern lady #1: Well, I think I put it on today. Aw man, that's gonna bug me all day. Oh dear. Oh, wait… It's on my other hand! I found it!
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Coworker #1: There was a barn fire just outside of town. The whole barn was destroyed. The farmer was missing at first, but they found his remains in the barn. They are sending the remains to Toronto to figure out the cause of death.
Coworker #2: Burnt.
Coworker #1: Excuse me?
Coworker #2: Burnt.
Coworker #1: You are a sick fuck, know that?
Waterloo
Canadia
Overheard by: Meesh
Assistant: A tree fell right on her house, so she said she won't be in today.
Supervisor: I wish a tree would fall on my house. I want a new kitchen so bad.
Hospital
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Coworker #1: Did you hurt your foot?
Coworker #2: Why?
Coworker #1: Well, I thought you were limping the other day.
Coworker #2: Are you writing an unauthorized biography of me!?
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Fluffy
Pregnant employee at coworker's baby shower: Oh, an anti-roll pillow! Thank you!
Male employee: What's it for?
Pregnant employee: To keep the baby from rolling onto his stomach and possibly suffocating in the crib.
Chatty woman: My two babies died from sleeping on their stomachs.
(stunned silence)
Chatty woman: Just kidding! (laughs)
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: office monkey extraordinaire
Employee answering phone: Thank you for calling… (gets squirted with silly string) Aahh!
Customer: What?
Employee: I'm sorry, I just got shot in the face with something.
Scotts Valley, California
Overheard by: Mari
Intern: What do we do if there's a fire? Meet somewhere outside…or…
Quasi-supervisor: Hide under your desk.
Cleveland, Ohio
Coworker #1: Ouch!
Coworker #2: What happened?
Coworker #1: I'm bleeding–I hit my elbow on my desk and knocked a scab off.
Coworker #2: Ooooh, can I have it?
Everybody: Cheryl*!
Coworker #2: I can't help it! I just love scabs!
Regional Medical Center
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Yes, she's real
