Raise Your Hand If You Assumed “Get My Freak On” Meant Something Else

White attorney,at deposition: Are there any activities you used to do before the accident that you can no longer do?
Trinidadian woman, 55: I can’t get my freak on anymore.
White attorney, smiling: Remember, I have to report this to a bunch of other white people. How often did you used to freak before the accident?
Trinidadian woman: Oh, I went to dance clubs all the time. Plus I used to go hiking all the time.
White attorney: And by “hiking,” you mean walking on nature trails, right? I mean, that’s not some hip-hop slang, right?
Trinidadian woman: Yeah, just walking up mountains and stuff.

Brooklyn, New York

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on December 20, 2014
Accidents, Bimbettes, Compare and contrast, Default, Lawyers, New York, Places, Questions, Sexuality, Words

A Girl Can Be Too Hot, You Know

Secretary to new receptionist: Will you light the candles on the birthday cake?
New receptionist: I'm not allowed to use matches.

Sarasota, Florida

Posted on December 15, 2014
Accidents, Florida, General Idiocy, Offers and requests, Receptionists

Would a Labor Union Help Wal-Mart Employees? Discuss.

Employee #1: The heater is on fire! Can you call a manager?
Employee #2, with radio: Uh-uh. I'm on break.

Wal-Mart
California

Posted on December 1, 2014
Accidents, California, Employees, General Idiocy, Offers and requests, Office Politics

We May Have to Drop the Three Stooges Training Films

Inspector: We were in the middle of the health and safety conference, and a fire broke out in the lift.
Call center girl: Really? My god! What happened?!
Inspector: Everyone started to run, but the hallway was really narrow so we got stuck.
Call center girl: Oh my god, what happened?!
Inspector: The fire brigade just opened the fire doors in the conference room. Mr. Lawry* wants to see us now.
Call center girl: So why do you have to go see Mr. Lawry?
Inspector: I think we’re doing more training…

Wembley Road
Wembley
England

Posted on December 1, 2014
Accidents, Bosses and Underlings, Default, England

To Be Fair, She Sounded a Little Nuts.

Receptionist to boss: I just got a call from Mrs Smith. She said she fell out of her boat and hurt her scrotum.
Boss: Her scrotum?
Receptionist: Yeah, something on her back.

Boston, Massachusetts

Posted on November 8, 2014
Accidents, Body Parts, Bosses, General Idiocy, Health & Hygiene, Massachusetts, On the phone, Receptionists

Or Am I Thinking Of the Kid from Life Goes On?

Cube dweller: We fly Qantas because it's safe, like it's never crashed. You know, like that guy Forest Gump who would only fly Qantas.

Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: GGary

Posted on October 11, 2014
Accidents, Australia, Cinema, Employees, Travel

…You Smell Like Gas.

Coworker #1: I was putting gas in the car and the nozzle just sprayed out of the gas tank and all over me. If someone were to light a match, I'd go up in flames. (disappears for a short time to change into a pair of jeans)
Coworker #2, not having heard the previous story: Oh my gosh, are you wearing jeans?
Coworker #1: Yep.
Coworker #2: Why?
(coworker #1 proceeds to retell the gas-spilling story)
Coworker #2: Oh my gosh, do your other pants smell like gas?
Coworker #1, very seriously: Nope, they smell like lemons.

Plymouth, Minnesota