Email: Let's welcome Joe Smith to the company. He will report to Bill Scott.
Copywriter #1: I find it distressing when I don't recognize the names of the supervisors. Are you sure Mr. Scott isn't really a robot?
Copywriter #2: Mr. Scott has been with this organization for at least three years. He is not a robot…or if he is, they did a damn good job making him look human.
Copywriter #3: Sounds like something a fembot would say.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Editor #1: I have finger toes.
Photographer: You mean like long and bony?
Editor #1: Yeah, I can, like, pick stuff up with them.
Editor #2: Do you pinch people with them?
Editor #1: Yeah. I always pinch [my wife]. She hates it.
Editor #2: God is just preparing you for when you lose your arms.
333 North Meridian
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: fransen comes alive
News guy working on obits: I never thought I'd see the day when we're out of dead people.
Traffic chick, during slow shift: Well, maybe someone will crash and solve both our problems!
Gainesville, Georgia
Sports editor: I think you need to apologize for that.
Opinion editor: Okay, but you need to meet me halfway. I’m sorry for hitting you, but you need to apologize for existing.
5211 Old Charlotte Highway
Monroe, North Carolina
Sub-editor: Hi, Ed*!
Designer: Hi, Jack*! I’ll try not to cut myself when you’re talking to me this time.
Australia
Designer: I can’t find a photo to represent personal trainers. The only stock images we have are too creepy. Look kind of like an after-school special.
Writer: Like a molesting-kids after-school special? Or the kind about bulimia?
Designer: A cross between those and the ones about steroids.
Creative director: Oh. That sounds OK. Use whatever you guys have.
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Art Director: We had another “captain literal” sighting in a client
meeting today. People are stupid.
Copywriter: Be less creative. It always works for me.
930 S. Calhoun Street
Fort Wayne, Indiana
Proofreader: I have a totally exciting life . . . I think it’s why I eat so much candy.
140 East 45th Street
New York, New York
Product development guy: I just got an e-mail in Chinese… What do I do?
Product development gal: Just copy/paste it into Microsoft Word and change the font.
Product development guy: It's Chinese, not Wingdings.
Queens, New York
Editor: This story is too long. We've got to whack off about eight inches here.
Modesto, California
