Co-worker: How many times do I have to tell you, you can’t do that? It’s like adding apples and morons.
2011 Mahone Avenue
Fort Lee, Virginia
Overheard by: jordan
Co-worker: How many times do I have to tell you, you can’t do that? It’s like adding apples and morons.
2011 Mahone Avenue
Fort Lee, Virginia
Overheard by: jordan
Worker #1: Jane* is leaving. Not to a different job, just to figure stuff out.
Worker #2: I wonder where she's going…
Worker #3: Well, she could move. She has no family. No kids. No husband or partner.
Worker #4: Oh, then maybe she's just going to go kill herself.
Worker #1: I think she just saw Eat Pray Love.
Worker #2: Are you guys being sarcastic?
Reston, Virginia
Employee #1: This old fart is so devious and evil that if you lock him up alone in the room he would curse his own self.
Employee #2: Shit, if he was the only person left on this earth he would start building conspiracies with his own balls, trying to antagonize his lefty against the righty.
Winchester, Virginia
Postal employee: Step up, my man, and take a chance on a postal worker on his second day on the job!
Lorton, Virginia
Overheard by: Another civil servant
IT guy, while waiting for coworker's computer to load: So, what kind of name is your last name, anyways?
20-something coworker: German.
IT guy: Ah… So, you ever been over to those concentration camps? The closest I ever got to was the Holocaust Museum downtown.
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Jen
Coworker #1, at the end of the day: That's it, I'm going to pick up my daughter from school, go home, and take drugs!
Coworker #2: What did you say ?
Coworker #1: I'm going home.
Coworker #2: No, that other part.
Coworker #1: I am going home to take drugs until I'm in heaven.
Herndon, Virginia
Boss to secretary: Can I feel your mouse pad? (does it, then to whole office) Oh, you guys need to feel her mouse pad!
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Female coworker: Bob*, that was so sweet. I am going to spread that around.
Male coworker: I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've got more, so you're welcome to come back.
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: Meaghan
Boss: Who likes fake ones? Sure, they feel real, but you can't suck on them without thinking, “damn, these taste fake.”
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: WD40
Vendor: I don't want to get into some whole “he said, she said” situation.
Client: What are you talking about? There is only a “he said,” and you're the “he,” and you're a dick!
McLean, Virginia
Overheard by: Septimus
