Coworker #1, at the end of the day: That's it, I'm going to pick up my daughter from school, go home, and take drugs!
Coworker #2: What did you say ?
Coworker #1: I'm going home.
Coworker #2: No, that other part.
Coworker #1: I am going home to take drugs until I'm in heaven.
Herndon, Virginia
Boss to secretary: Can I feel your mouse pad? (does it, then to whole office) Oh, you guys need to feel her mouse pad!
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Female coworker: Bob*, that was so sweet. I am going to spread that around.
Male coworker: I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've got more, so you're welcome to come back.
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: Meaghan
Boss: Who likes fake ones? Sure, they feel real, but you can't suck on them without thinking, “damn, these taste fake.”
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: WD40
Vendor: I don't want to get into some whole “he said, she said” situation.
Client: What are you talking about? There is only a “he said,” and you're the “he,” and you're a dick!
McLean, Virginia
Overheard by: Septimus
Coworker #1: Slap chop? Oh, that guy is hilarious!
Coworker #2: Oh, yeah, he went to jail. For getting beaten up by a hooker!
Coworker #1: What? She beat him up, or he beat her up?
Coworker #2: He hit her, and she punched him back in the eye. His mugshot has a big black eye in it.
Coworker #1: See, he should have gotten a daintier hooker.
Coworker #2: Yeah… That's the moral of the story.
Reston, Virginia
IT to admin: If we don't stop probing we are going to get our Cox [internet service] cut off.
Suffolk, Virginia
Boss on phone: I'll tell you what you can do. (pause) You can tell me how to spell “urinalysis.”
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: maggie
Office drone #1: Do you google or do you bing?
Office drone #2: Huh?
Office drone #3: At work he googles; at home he bings.
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Receptionitis
Employee, moving into new office holding up jar of green seeds: Is this marijuana?
Vienna, Virginia
