Gary: Hey Dave, do I need to be more of a dick or less of a dick?
Dave: Nah, the dick quotient is fine, we just need to coordinate ahead of time.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: thenewguy
Gary: Hey Dave, do I need to be more of a dick or less of a dick?
Dave: Nah, the dick quotient is fine, we just need to coordinate ahead of time.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: thenewguy
There is this guy a few cubicles over from me. I do not know what he does, but he is always on the phone. I’ve actually started keeping a spreadsheet of some of the things I’ve overheard him say. Some of the best: You can ask yourself that question all day long, but I’m not going to waste any more of my time helping you figure it out.
You don’t have to think for me, I will do the thinking for you.
You work in IT and I work in marketing, so don’t tell me!
Give me your thirty second soapbox spiel and when you are done maybe we can get down to business and get this figured out.
1411 Kingsbury Drive
Portage, Michigan
Worker #1, about customer: How is it “annually” if she did it in September, and it's June now?
Worker #2: She's a moron.
Austin, Texas
Volunteer #1: Man, Chipotle is so good, man!
Volunteer #2: Yeah, except it makes you have to go to the bathroom because of the hot sauce…
Volunteer #1: I's okay, man, you just take a Game Boy into the bathroom with you. Kills like a half hour.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Guy #1: Give me a break. I’ve been here since 6 AM!
Guy #2: Why would you do that to yourself?
Guy #1: Well, I’ve been a very bad boy, and I deserve a spanking. But that’s too expensive here in the city so instead I do this.
469 7th Avenue
New York, New York
Student: Can I get a list of people who write theses?
Receptionist: You mean, the list of typists?
Student: No, I want the list of people who’ll write my thesis for me.
California
Office Manager: Well, I’m done with my conference call.
Employee: That wasn’t very long.
Office Manager: Sorry about that. I aim to satisfy.
132 East Central Avenue
Lake Wales, Florida
News editor: I’ve already passed the high point of my day where I mute Regis and Kelly.
101 Marietta Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: an amused underling
Cube dweller #1: I just want to make sure we are communicating on this project.
Cube dweller #2: Yeah, we’re communicating. [Yells over cubicles] Hey, Roy*, are we communicating?
Roy: Uh, I’m communicating with my sandwich.
Vienna, Virginia
Overheard by: The Communicator
Lawyer #1: I now ask that this binder be admitted into evidence.
Lawyer #2: We would object to that, Your Honor.
Judge: What is your basis for introducing this into evidence?
Lawyer #1: The “moving things along faster” basis.
Judge: Denied.
500 Pearl Street
New York, NY
