And So Does My Third Nipple

Reporter on phone with a source: Generally, I don't get sexual insults from your people. I appreciate that.

McAllen, Texas

Posted on December 16, 2014
Compliments, Insults, On the phone, Texas

Sir, You’ll Have to Take Your Green Tiger Outside

Customer with CD: Don’t make fun of the Transformers.
Bookseller: I’m not making fun. I had that soundtrack. I lost it in the hurricane.
Customer with CD: Well, you can’t have mine.
Bookseller: I have The Matrix.
Customer with CD: I have the touch.
Passing customer: And I have the power!

Barnes & Noble, Irving Mall
Irving, Texas

Overheard by: shelving drone

Posted on December 15, 2014
Customer Service, Nerds and Geeks, Texas

Why Vacations Were Invented

Suit dancing with self through cubicles: Hubba, hubba! Ding, ding! I dance like a washing machine!

Cottonwood Lane
Colleyville, Texas

Overheard by: I don’t dance at all…

Posted on December 11, 2014
Crazies, General Idiocy, Suits, Texas

Then What Kind of Tree Would You Be?

Lawyer: So, he was all like, “But I’m a cabinet maker.” And I was like, “But what if you were a brain surgeon…”

111 Congress Avenue
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Neither a cabinet maker nor a brain surgeon

Posted on December 9, 2014
Lawyers, Questions, Texas

All My Toys Run on Gasoline, Sir

Older, slightly creepy, owner of firm: Do we have any more batteries?
Young, cute receptionist: No, I can order some.
Owner: Nah, just run home and get the ones out of the toy under your pillow.

Houston, Texas

Posted on December 6, 2014
Bosses, Creepsters, Questions, Receptionists, Sexuality, Technology, Texas, Weirdness

2PM PR Meeting

Boss on speaker: Okay then, I’ll be over in about 30 minutes to look at what you’ve got for me.
Media person: Great, we’ll see you then.
Boss on speaker: …Great, now I have one more fucking thing to do today…Fuck…
Media person: Um…You’re still on speakerphone, buddy.

1901 North Shoreline Boulevard
Corpus Christi, Texas

Overheard by: The lowly intern