Clerk guy: Yeah, so we ordered a pizza last night, and the guy on the phone knew my address, get this, before I even told him!
Clerk girl: Don’t they have caller ID or something?
Clerk guy: Man, I don’t know. I was smoking a big one, and I was like, “Dude, whoa. I think the government is all watching me now.”
Clerk girl: Um, probably not.
Clerk guy: Then explain to me how they knew my address and what kind of pizza I ordered last time! Explain that!
Kmart
Temple, Texas
Overheard by: Vicky
CSR: This is my senior picture in high school.
Manager: You were a cheerleader?
CSR: Yeah.
Manager: What happened?
730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas
Overheard by: El Gee
Lady: … So it’s a strap-on, then. You just clamp it on and let it go to work.
Deer Park, Texas
Worker: It’s not chaos, it’s pandemonium. They should call it pandemonium. It’s a conundrum.
Traffic manager: I don’t want a conundrum in my mouth!
3311 Oak Lawn
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: erin
Male sales rep: He's nice. You'll like him. Oh, he's religious, so watch what you say–not that you cuss or anything…
Female sales rep: No, it's cool. I can throw in some baby Jesus references. Whatever.
Irving, Texas
Assistant: Are you leaving early?
Attorney: Yep.
Assistant: Why? It’s only 3:30.
Attorney: ‘Cause I like to drink.
1900 Pearl Street
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Staja
White guy #1: I got fired because I am a white male!
White guy #2: I might be going out on a limb here, but could the fact that you got drunk and threw a Japanese lantern into the front door of the hotel have anything to do with it?
White guy #1: No…it's because I am white!
Irving, Texas
Cube girl on phone: Don’t call it my ‘bosom’ — that makes me feel old. [A minute later] How many redheads with big boobs do you know?! Oh, your fiancée, I see. I didn’t know that.
Houston, Texas
Cubicle #1: Oh, Jesus!
Cubicle #2: Why are you saying “Oh, Jesus”? I thought you were a Baha'i?.
Cubicle #1: Because it's easier than saying “Oh Bahá'u'lláh.”
Irving, Texas
Beauty shop owner: I need to know what day you'll be in to clean the floors, and you'd better stick to it or I'll kill you.
Floor cleaner guy: I've got to die sometime… It might as well as be by your hands.
Conroe, Texas
