Chaplain: Oh! I need to turn my vibrator up!
Hospice Company
Dallas, Texas
Chaplain: Oh! I need to turn my vibrator up!
Hospice Company
Dallas, Texas
Grunt: I’m sorry. You’re going to have to beat your head against the wall somewhere else. I have to get on a conference call now.
390 Benmar Drive
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: I know how you feel
Editor, singing: I’m going to steal your chair when you’re dead!
6th and Lavaca Streets
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: not getting up
Employee: So, I know that we don't normally do this, but my father in law is sick and I need to telecommute from here. Is that okay?
Boss on speaker phone: Well, I guess telecommuting is acceptable for this week, but try not to let the situation go on much longer.
Employee to husband after, hanging up the phone: I think he just told me to kill your father.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: I don't know that I have that kind of power!
Lady coworker: I don't like the direction “west.”
Dallas, Texas
Coworker #1: I went to the black rodeo.
Coworker #2: Black rodeo?
Coworker #1: Yeah, all the cowboys are black.
Coworker #2: Ohhhhh…where was that?
Coworker #1: Alabama. They had mini cows.
Coworker #3: I think those are baby cows…calves.
Coworker #1: I thought they were premature big cows.
Coworker #3: What the fuck is a premature big cow?
Newspaper
Dallas, Texas
Female coworker on phone: I don't think he's the creepy/stalker type. I mean if he was, she wouldn't let him come over to her house and spend the night, would she? (pause) No, I haven't actually seen him yet.
Frisco, Texas
Overheard by: Daniel
Coworker #1: And then it just exploded all over my pants.
Coworker #2: That sucks.
Coworker #1: Well, the good news is that if someone mentions the stain on my pants I know that they are looking at my junk.
Houston, Texas
Chubby peon: I’ll eat anything as long as it’s a cookie. Even if it’s frog-flavored.
Austin, Texas
IT manager: How can I be wrong when I don't know what I'm talking about?
College Campus
Huntsville, Texas
Overheard by: Knows what she's talking about
