Senior consultant to underling: I swear to god, if you don't change your answer I'm kidnapping your monkey!
Austin, Texas
Receptionist on phone in earshot of a client: She said that she told her manager, ‘I hate my fucking job.’ I told her that it was completely inappropriate to say ‘fuck’ at work.
Austin, Texas
Grunt #1: What’s wrong with Debbie*?
Grunt #2: Uh, something’s wrong with the gonads on her vocal cords.
Grunt #1: You mean ‘nodules’?
Grunt #2: Oh, yeah.
Colleyville, Texas
Overheard by: quite amused
Young, blonde female: Um, wow, I just cracked my spine and grew, like, an inch.
Male supervisor: Yeah, I just grew, like, an inch watching you.
3rd Street and Colorado Street
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Miss Informed
Secretary: Hey how you doing?
Lawyer: Oh, you know, just livin' the dream.
Secretary: What dream is that?
Lawyer: I'm not sure.
Secretary: Okay. Let me know when you figure it out.
Lawyer: Okay. I will.
Dallas Texas
Coworker #1: So, how was the pig?
Coworker #2: I got blood on my crotch.
A&M University
Texas
Cubicle worker #1, slamming something on desk: A big cockroach just crawled across my desk.
Cubicle worker #2: Yeah, these were the desks with the roach problem.
Cubicle worker #1: Roach problem?
Cubicle worker #2: It's all Mindy's fault.
Arlington, Texas
Cube dweller #1: You've worked with giraffes?
Cube dweller #2: Yeah, transporting them is a real pain. They go in an open trailer, and every time you get to an overpass, you have to either let air out of all the tires to fit under it, or you have to stop, back them out of the trailer, walk them around the overpass, get them back in the trailer… It takes forever to get anywhere.
Cube dweller #1: Can't you just teach them to duck?
Cube dweller #2: (long pause) Not at those speeds.
Pearl Street
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Explains giraffe-shaped divots in overpasses
Girl #1, after male coworker receives huge bouquet of flowers: You know, I wonder if he’s doing something to egg her on.
Girl #2: Nah, some girls are like that, you know? It’s called stalking.
Girl #1: You know, I knew a girl like that once. She had a glass eye.
5718 Westheimer Road
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: the things i hear around here
Cube rat #1: So tell me, Bob, you're a college basketball official. Which school in the Big 12 has the worst behaved students.?
Cube rat #2: Well, you would be surprised. It's Baylor.
Cube rat #1: Baylor is a Baptist college… You would think they would be better behaved. Cube rat #2: Well, they are just frustrated because they don't get any… (long pause) championships.
Greenville, Texas
Overheard by: Mike
