Teacher: I don’t know if my students will regress enough to qualify for summer services.
Principal: You should play music really loud when you test them.
299 Rathbun Willard Drive
Attleboro, Massachusetts
Teacher: I don’t know if my students will regress enough to qualify for summer services.
Principal: You should play music really loud when you test them.
299 Rathbun Willard Drive
Attleboro, Massachusetts
Third grader: Hey, for our project do we gotta write about a black person?
Teacher: No, you don’t have to write about a black person.
Third grader: My mom wants me to write about George Clinton.
Teacher: Do you mean Bill Clinton?
Third grader: Nah, I meant Thomas Jefferson.
Teacher: Oh, he’s okay.
7th Street & Sansom Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Teacher Noga
Professor: A few years ago I had a student ask me for an alternative final because he had scheduled a vacation in Barcelona for the week of the final. I told him, ‘Die, yuppie scum! And no.’
Engineering building, UC Santa Cruz
California
Overheard by: Jessica P.
Training instructor: You should not upgrade the software right when a patch comes out. Sometimes it may have bugs.
Student: So, it’s like when you take a drug, sometimes it can have side effects like—
Training instructor: Yeah, but let’s keep the discussion focused on software.
Student: —Throwing up, vomiting…
Training instructor: Uh, yeah.
Madison, Alabama
Female admin: I'll be in charge of this project–it'll be my baby.
Safety trainer: Retarded?
Storrs, Connecticut
Kindergarten boy: Mrs. Jones*, I need to go to the bathroom.
Teacher: No, you just went.
Kindergarten boy: Please, Mrs. Jones*. I gotta go.
Teacher: No, you were told you had to wait.
Kindergarten boy: But I have to go now! My marbles are itchy!
Manitoba
Canadia
Teacher: Can you tell me what states I might find on the West coast of the United States?
Student: The big one on the bottom. Mexico is part of the United States.
Teacher: No, that is wrong. Mexico is a country, try again.
Student: Look, my parents live here and they said we’re American and they came from Mexico. It’s part of the United States.
Teacher: I am telling you, you are wrong. Mexico is a country — it has its own government.
Student: Look, if it was its own country then why is everyone just walking over here? That’s what I did and I’m still here.
Another student pulls out cell: Not for long.
School, Desert Marigold Lane
Las Vegas, Nevada
Teacher: Can you say, ‘Open the door’ in Spanish?
Preschooler: Open the door in Spanish.
Learning center
Bloomington, Indiana
Tenured faculty guy: You know you really should start attending faculty meetings.
Non-tenured faculty guy: Why? I’m not allowed to vote on any departmental issues.
Tenured faculty guy: It would still be professionally instructive for you to attend.
Non-tenured faculty guy: But I’m already aware of the fact that this department is full of petulant egomaniacs.
Department of Mathematics
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Student: Mrs. Smith*, do you have any kids?
Mrs. Smith: No, I don’t have children.
Student: Did somebody steal them?
1212 Cheyenne Boulevard
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Sheri
