Assistant teacher: Shit, never get in a car with him. He drove me home once, and halfway home I realized he was so drunk, and he wouldnt let me out of the car. He started going almost 80 miles an hour!
Teacher: Oh, I thought he was a good driver. When I got in the car, though, he just said, “I’m just warning you. I’m a little tipsy right now.”
450 Glen Cove Avenue
Glen Head, New York
Female teacher to male teacher: Aw, you're such a gentleman! When you die we're going to pickle you and put you in the corner and label you “the last gentleman.”
Arts and Humanities Dept
Bexhill College
England
Overheard by: Corinne
Professor: Does anyone have questions about the importance of the flood myth in the Bible and the Epic of Gilgamesh?
Student: Well, when it flooded and everything died, what happened to all the fish?
Professor: Well, it was a flood… So I think they were okay…
Skidmore College
Saratoga Springs, New York
Overheard by: Stared in disbelief
Student: What is this bit?
Professor: Which bit?
Student: The kinda-purplish, squishy bit.
Professor, to assistant: Do you know what that is?
Assistant: No.
Professor, to student: That’s not important. You can ignore that.
USC Anatomy lab
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Kylie
Teacher: It’s not like you go out in nature and see plants, like, getting it on. [Class laughs.] I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that at school…
Covington, Louisiana
Overheard by: Erica
Trainer: So, we used to be called the self-help department, but now it's the self-services department. Before, we helped customers to help themselves. I guess now we help customers to um, service themselves.
Austin, Texas
Professor: So we'll have lab meeting on Monday, then.
Grad student: Um, that's Labor Day, so people will probably be away.
Professor: Away? Why?
Grad student: Because it's a federal holiday?
Professor: Well, we're not federal, so we don't take federal holidays.
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Principal over loud speaker: Attention, students, I repeat: the 400-level office is not an aquarium!
Montour High School Administration Building
McKees Rocks, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: nemo
Teacher: You should all go back in time to where I would walk in the room and you all stand up and say, ‘Hello, Professor M*!’
Student: And women shouldn’t have the right to vote!
Newton, Massachusetts
Sexual harassment awareness instructor: Now, class, who can tell me what percentage of sexual harassment is intended?
Class: [Silence.]Sexual harassment awareness instructor: Only 10percent! Ninety percent is unintentional. Now listen, class — most people aren’t doing it intentionally. The majority of people aren’t in that 10 percent group. The majority of people are in that 90 percent group.
Class: [Silence.]
Airdustrial Way
Tumwater, Washington
Overheard by: In the 10% group
