New employee: Why do we have to get a key to go to the restroom? This isn't elementary school!
Researcher: Yeah, it's annoying, but there are advantages.
New hire employee: What's that?
Researcher: If you're having a stressful day at work, you can rub one out in private.
Phoenix, Arizona
Bizarre cube dweller: Cornmeal, hamocks, gunpowder, and guitar strings. I mix it up and just sit, pray, meditate, that sorta thing. I found a great place, too. The problem? Ethel don't want to. Given our natural proclivities, we'd be out raping and pillaging if it weren't for that stuff.
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Cube Guru
Office drone #1: So, I jumped the shark.
Office drone #2: You what?
Office drone #1: I jumped the shark. It's when…it's a metaphor, look it up on the internet.
Office drone #2: So, there was a shark?
42nd & 3rd Ave
New York City, New York
Female coworker: My boobs keep moving!
New York City, New York
Woman (regarding missing eggs): They're having wet dreams down south!
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Gina
Intern to girlfriend: Do you really have to be a slutty fire-lady?
Chigaco, Illinois
Cube dweller: But what if you come across a clumpy lay?
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Chelsea
Woman in cubicle: Does it feel good to have the mouse run down there?
Honolulu Credit Union, Hawaii
Female manager to peon: Sometimes I violate myself.
Nashua, New Hampshire
Manager to VP: Yep, that Chinese porn will get you every time!
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: Roman
