VP on phone: What are you doing? (silence) Sounds like you’re taking a shit.
Springfield, Massachusetts
VP on phone: What are you doing? (silence) Sounds like you’re taking a shit.
Springfield, Massachusetts
Peon, walking into boss’s office: What smells so good? It smells like my grandmother’s cooking.
Boss: Oh, Joan* brought pork chop for lunch. I guess she thought I was emancipated.
Peon, laughing and mumbling: She thought what?
Athens, Georgia
Phone girl #1: It has smelled like stuff in here all day.
Phone girl #2: I know, it’s like food just walked over here.
New York City, New York
Obnoxious server: Ewww, did you just fart, dude?
Timid new guy: Uh, no, I’m sorry.
Obnoxious server: Musta been me. Smells like pot roast, doesn’t it?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Nurse: It didn’t hurt my tongue when they pierced it–just that first pop.
Tech: Ooooh, my asshole just puckered up!
Receptionist: Quit talking about tongues and assholes!
Front Desk, Medical Clinic
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: xrayguy
Old drone #1: You really gotta just close your eyes and gulp it down, I find it spicy, although my daughter says it’s bitter.
Old drone #2: Yeah, I like it though, just don’t get any on your dress, it’s a bear to get out of clothes.
Cindel Drive
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
(in a crowded elevator there is a brief, unidentifiable noise)
Co-worker #1 (in Japanese): Keiko*, did you just fart?
Co-worker #2 (in Japanese): Well, my asshole *is* kind of loose lately.
(all Japanese in elevator burst out laughing)
Co-worker #2: What?
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Minivet
Accounting drone: Is someone eating fucking jockstraps and dirty socks now? There really needs to be some kind of restrictions on the food people are allowed to eat in here. How about a guideline like: “If it smells like a dead hooker, treat it like a dead hooker and eat it in your car.”? Thank god we don’t have any Indian programmers.
Milwaukee Street
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Guy in stairway: Smell this and tell me I don’t have a problem.
Plymouth, Pennsylvania
[Whistling can be heard through a door.]Co-worker: Where’s that goddamn whistling coming from? Hello?! Stop fucking whistling! Don’t you know there are people trying to be miserable here?!
Escanaba, Michigan
Overheard by: Auds
