Guy at sink to guy at urinal: Any more than two shakes and you’re jerking off.
Men’s room, 14 Penn Plaza
New York, New York
Guy at sink to guy at urinal: Any more than two shakes and you’re jerking off.
Men’s room, 14 Penn Plaza
New York, New York
Coworker at postage meter: Normally I'm anal and I look at 'em every time I stuff 'em… But not today.
Seattle, Washington
HR clerk: Maureen* broke another chair. Should I order her another chair designed for a person over three hundred pounds, or should I order an even stronger chair?
Manager: No! I am going to tell the maintenance guys to put her desk up on blocks! Then, I am going to tell Maureen that her job description has changed! She is now required to stand up to do her job!
[manager leaves]
HR clerk: Well, it is not going to be me that tells him that one of the toilets in the women’s restroom is broken.
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Coworker, discussing why he can't go to lunch: I would fart once in my room on Saturday, and it would totally blow my mind. Then it would proceed to blow everyone else's minds in every other room upstairs. Like, seriously, Joe* was like “did you drop a deuce?” and I was like “no.” Then I proceeded to fart exclusively in the bathroom for the rest of the weekend, and bring a pack of matches too.
Crozet, Virginia
Overheard by: Cube Monkey
Guy to coworker at the next urinal, who just farted: Are you serious?!
St. Petersburg, Florida
Boss: You want a raise? You come back after three weeks of vacation and spend more time in the bathroom than you do working. Maybe I should install a timeclock in there.
107 Chesley Drive
Media, Pennsylvania
Saleswoman to another, returning from restroom: Damn, that Indian food really does clean you out!
Friend: Yeah, its like Roto-Rooter!
Saks Fifth Ave
Overheard by: agreed
Employee #1: Oh…I think I peed a little! I have to go check. Be right back.
Employee #2: …So how did your pee test go?
Employee #1: No, I didn’t pee. Maybe it was just discharge.
5409 N. Florida Avenue
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Kristen
Cube rat #1: Hey, does it smell like poop over here?
Cube rat #2: What?
Cube rat #1: I farted — it smells bad over here.
Cube rat #2: That’s so gross, dude!
Cube rat #1: I have too much work to do! I don’t have time to go to the bathroom!
Cube rat #2: Go to the bathroom!
The Loop
Chicago, Illinois
Woman in stall: I can do it… I know I can do it! … I did it! [Flush.]
Third bathroom stall over
San Dimas, California
Overheard by: badfishey
