Guy #1: Have you ever thought about a vagina being like an “inverted” penis?
Guy #2: No.
Guy #1, continuing anyways: That way, if you were to “hit bottom” on a girl, that would mean that your penis was technically “bigger” than hers.
Guy #2: I want to kill myself for having been involved in this conversation.
Joplin, Missouri
Intern: So do any celebrities subscribe to our magazine?
Circulation guru: Actually, James Caan and Shirley MacLaine are longtime subscribers. Even Dennis Hopper got our mag for awhile.
Intern (sighing): I mean like real celebrities. You know: Tila Tequila or Zac Efron…
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: ugh.
Employee: So, there was nothing in the fridge? Just the dog?
650 Park Avenue
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Dani
Customer: Hi, can I get hold of Czech crowns here?
Bank flunky: Uhh…What was his first name again?
ASB Bank, Great North Road
Auckland, New Zealand
Business analyst on phone: Hey, what do you need? The name of the user guide? It's the digital one… No, the digital guide. You know, like Digital Underground, only without Tupac… No, biggie wasn't in Digital Underground… Humpty Hump was… No, the guy with the gold nose… Okay, it's “h”… “u”… “m”…
Chantilly, Virginia
Overheard by: CubeRat
Clerk trying to price-check produce: Now, how is it you spell cucumber? Is that with a K or a Q?
Supermarket
Biloxi, Mississippi
Obese woman on mobility scooter, scowling: Whatever happened to rational soups?
Employee cafeteria
Salisbury, Maryland
Overheard by: minnie stronie
Employee girl: Hey, can I have your pickle again today?
Employee guy: I was wondering when you were going to ask for it. Where do you want it?
Employee girl: Here is fine. (to receptionist) I always eat his pickle.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Cubicle Dweller
Tech #1: Can I have the key to the IDF closet?
Tech #2: I don’t have it, it’s in the lockbox.
Tech #1: Well then, can I have the key to the lockbox?
Tech #2: It’s not locked.
20800 Harvard Road
Cleveland, Ohio
President: You really need to stop asking so many questions and start figuring things out for yourself, especially when you are out producing jobs.
Worker: You’re right, I realize that. I’m trying harder.
President: And about this job you worked Saturday night; did you know what you were doing there?
Worker: To be honest, I wasn’t sure on some things.
President: Well, did you ask anyone what your role was supposed to be? If you don’t know something you really need to start asking questions. People are here to help you.
200 West 57th Street
New York, NY
