Worker #1: When do you leave for the trip?
Worker #2: In about 20 minutes.
Worker #1: Well, are you jizzed?
Worker #2: What?
Worker #1: Jizzed. You know, excited!
Worker #2: Uh, sure.
Red Run Boulevard
Owings Mills, Maryland
Overheard by: Matt
Worker #1: When do you leave for the trip?
Worker #2: In about 20 minutes.
Worker #1: Well, are you jizzed?
Worker #2: What?
Worker #1: Jizzed. You know, excited!
Worker #2: Uh, sure.
Red Run Boulevard
Owings Mills, Maryland
Overheard by: Matt
Secretary to lawyer: Was that your condom they found on the second floor of the parking garage?
Cleveland, Ohio
Visiting VIP to local subordinate: I'm gonna go back to the hotel and take a shower. Tell your wife I'll be thinking of her.
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: shazmataz
Guy: I am full.
Girl: Full of what?
Guy: Full of Dick’s.
539 Queen Anne Avenue North
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Nick D
Mechanic: You smell like sex.
Female coworker: You mean I smell like you want to have sex with me? Or I smell like I just had sex? ‘Cause… ‘Cause there’s a big difference.
Mechanic: Oh, the first one. You smell like I want to have sex with you.
Female coworker: Oh. I want to have sex with you, too.
Mechanic: [Silence.]Female coworker: … I mean, you smell. [Walks away with confused look on her face.]
Westchester, New York
Overheard by: He did kind of smell … like sex.
Becky*: Sometimes, when I’m sick, I think, ‘What did I do to deserve this?’ And then I remember, ‘Oh, yeah — ass to mouth.’
830 W Warner Road
Gilbert, Arizona
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
Systems admin to office manager: And she didn't tell me he was coming up right behind her!
Sales assistant, walking through the room: I didn't know he was going to follow me! One minute he was in his office talking about roosters and the next minute he's standing behind me at your desk! He was sneaky!
Charlotte, North Carolina
Tech guy: You know, I was thinking the other day — you know how when these terrorists die, they think they’re getting, like, 40 virgins? Well, it occurred to me that the only virgins up there will be all these 80-something-year-old nuns…
Corporate Drive
Orangeburg, New York
Overheard by: amused temp
Receptionist, as boss “innocently” puts hand down his pants to re-adjust: Are you out all next week? I have something for you…but I left it at home.
The Loop
Chicago, Illinois
Old lady, told class would run late: I have to get home and toss my husband’s salad!
Class erupts with laughter, and the boy next to her explains the innuendo.
Old lady: If I was going to lick his ass, I’d say so… But it isn’t something I’d do before dinner.
CCSN campus
Las Vegas, Nevada
