Head of department: Can someone give an example of a person in the department going above and beyond the call of duty?
Woman: [Jane]. She does so much, not just for our group, but for other groups as well. I don’t think there’s anyone in the department [Jane] hasn’t serviced.
1200 12th Avenue South
Seattle, Washington
Waiter #1, pointing: Tammy’s* either gettin’ a poochy belly, or she needs to trim that beaver.
Waiter #2: It’s beaver. I fucked her last month, after her sister died, and I thought I was suddenly in a ’70s porno.
Manager: You guys need to go find something to clean.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Lady #1, surprised after leaving meeting: Can you believe he was right about that?
Lady #2, angry: Ugh. No. Now I have to give him a blowjob.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: …Wants to be in that department
Woman: I wish I had an overactive thyroid.
Man: Yeah, you’d get a lot of attention that way.
Elevator, 550 7th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Heather
Attorney to client: Are you a predator taking advantage of her?
New Jersey
Photographer: Okay, I took pictures of the reigning Woody the Woodchuck and the two that are aiming to replace her when she retires. Can you tell the current one?
Designer, staring intently: This one?
Photographer: Wow, good job! You know your Woodys!
323 East Grand River Avenue
Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Pam Beesley
Male coworker: I have a very lickable hand.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Shipping guy: How much handling can you get for a dollar?
Richmond Road
Bedford Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: Shannon
Person #1: Oooh! Chocolate cockers! I want a chocolate cocker!
Person #2: A what?!
Person #1: A chocolate cocker! I’ve never had a chocolate cocker!
Safety building, 30 North Murray Street
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Allison
Designer: The image is 144 by 216.
Writer: What the hell kind of dimensions are those?
Designer: 144 is 2 inches. Pretty standard. And–
Writer: Fine, but what is this 216 business?
Designer: Are you kidding me? Do some math. It’s three inches.
Writer: Oh. Well, how should I know? You know I’m not one to mess around with anything two or three inches.
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
