Male supervisor: Give Janet* one of those chocolate pretzel things. Because she’s going on vacation and doesn’t have to fit into a bathing suit this weekend.
Janet*, aside: I swear, random people have been coming up to me all day asking about my supposed nude beach trip to Jamaica.
Male supervisor: Let it all hang out, baby.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Executive #1: We will never promote her. She is fucked up. Did you see her at the company picnic with her son?
Executive #2: No. What happened?
Executive #1: She was breastfeeding him!
Executive #2: So what?
Executive #1: He’s like 5 years old!
Pause
Executive #2: When is the next picnic?
1 Becton Drive
Franklin Lakes, New Jersey
Woman on speaker system: I have a guy by the balls in the toy department that could use some assistance.
23561 Highway 59
Porter, Texas
Partner: I’m gonna call her and see if I can feel her up.
1001 G Street NW
Washington, DC
Director of Sales Support: If our salesmen were women they’d all be pregnant, because none of them know how to say no.
9898 West Bluemound Road
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Co-worker #1: What’s a carpet muncher? Is that a new slang for vacuum cleaner?
Co-worker #2: Um, no. He, he, he. I’ll give you a thousand bucks if you ask the boss for a carpet muncher.
Co-worker #1: Why? I don’t have carpeting.
800 East 28th Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: jearu
Intern: You’re just going to have to hold it while I push down on it. You hold still and I’ll push. Ugh. It’s too big. It just won’t fit.
1450 Broadway
New York, NY
Urinal #1: I am going home for the day. Take care, you have a good one.
Urinal #2: Thanks; I didn’t even know you were looking.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Secretary: Hey [Manny], I see you! I see you! I have implants,so I can see everything.
University of Richmond Special Programs Building
Richmond, Virginia
VP Sales: I’m big on giving it all up to the client. You know, easy access.
Peon: I’ve heard that about you.
716 Main Street
Boonton, New Jersey
