Upper manager: Thomas* should be in, so maybe you'll be able to take a bathroom break before then.
Middle manager: Gosh, how generous of you!
Upper manager: Hey, I care about our employees (three seconds pause) and the floors in our stands.
Hershey, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: GottaGo
Loud female boss behind office door: Well, it's happened four times now. You obviously don't find me attractive anymore.
Boss' husband, on speakerphone: I don't control it! I simply submit requests!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Male worker bee: Do you know it’s getting closer?
Female worker bee: Closer every day.
Male worker bee: But do you know what that means to me?
Female worker bee: I do. Eggs!
Intercourse, Pennsylvania
Judge: Do you read, write, and understand English?
Defendant: Sometimes.
Judge: When don't you?
Defendant: When I party!
Courthouse
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Contractor: That hairy-legged bitch.
Manceptionist: Oh yeah, she’s a fucking dyke. That’s why she has a bastard child.
3520 Lancaster Avenue
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Supervisor: You just blew a perfect opportunity to lie and get back into the trust tree.
500 North Gulph Road
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Dave
English professor to secretary: According to my college transcript, I took a course in my freshman year called “introduction to drugs”. I have no recollection of this course, and I wonder why.
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: English Major
Manager to another: She sews a lot. Does she have a lot of cats or children?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: betsyvonawesome
Little boy looking at stuffed animal: Look, Mommy, it’s the monkey that comes out of your butt!
Mother: Yes, it’s the monkey that flies out of your ass. That’s why we’re not going back to Chuck E. Cheese’s.
Learning Express
Exton, Pennsylvania
Co-worker #1: Will someone please tell me what the fuck is wrong with [Josh]? When he gets up in the morning does he have some kind of funhouse mirror? Does he fucking see Tom Cruise when he looks in the mirror in the morning? Because when I look at him I just see an asshole.
Co-worker #2: Why?
Co-worker #1: He is bullshiting everyone and saying he slept with the new CSR.
Co-worker #2: Does it really matter? She don’t speak English!
2801 Red Lion Road
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
