Nurse: Where are your pants [Tobias]?
AlcoHobo: I must have forgotten to put them on before I left the house.

North Terrace
Adelaide, South Australia

Radiologist receptionist to dermatology patient with the wrong number: I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number. Dr. Green's office is just down the hall; the extension is 1234. You're welcome. Buh-bye.
(pause, then answers again)
Receptionist: No, you've got the wrong extension again. Dr. Green is at 1234. It's no problem. You're welcome. Buh-bye.
(pause, then answers again)
Receptionist: Good morning. (pause) Of course, hold on just one moment, please. (dials extension #1234) Hi, I'm calling to confirm Mrs Brown's appointment to have her hairy mole removed. 11:30 am? Thank you so much. (on the other line) The doctor will see you at 11:30 tomorrow morning. Yes ma'am, buh-bye now.

Norwalk, Connecticut

Overheard by: EmLo

Female patient: I just noticed your ID badge. That’s a great picture of you.
Paramedic: Oh, yeah, thank you. You should see my driver’s license photo. I wore a priest’s outfit for that one.

6500 Excelsior Boulevard
St. Louis Park, Minnesota

Overheard by: Rod Backer

Man smoking outside office door: What year is this anyway? It’s 2006, isn’t it?

Goswell Road

Overheard by: Ava

Patient who just failed drug test: I need a note to stay out of work.
Doctor: What do you want me to say? That you're too stoned from taking too many Vicodin to be productive?
Patient: Sure, but would you mind wording it better?

Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Amazed Nurse

American patient on cell: …and I don't even know *how* it happened, I remember I had my pants on…

Emergency Room

Patient: Yeah, I have a twin brother about my age.

Presbyterian Hospital
New York, New York

Overheard by: Speechless RN

Patient #1 to family member on Skype: Yeah, they're taking real good care of me. (to nurse) Say hi to my sister.
(nurse leans in to computer screen, waves hello)
Family member on Skype: Is he being a good patient?
Patient #2, on other side of curtain: He's cryin' like a little bitch!

Stony Brook Hospital
Long Island, New York

Female clerk: My nipples itch… Someone must be thinking about me.
Male doctor: What?!?
Female clerk: Isn’t that what they say? When your nipples itch someone is thinking about you?
Male doctor: Nooooooo…

Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Who-la-hey

Dentist to young female patient: I'm sorry, I ripped my glove.
Young female patient: Good thing it wasn't a condom!