Office girl: My mom said she almost wrecked her car the other day because she was watching Elvis pick up trash on the side of the road. My mom said he was picking up trash in his jumpsuit, right there on the side of the road.
Office guy: Elvis was doing a little community service, was he?
Charlotte, North Carolina
Customer: These new labels are awful. Just awful! Why did you change them? I hate them.
Pharmacist: I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have any control over the labels.
Customer: They don’t even tell me when it’s time to refill my ‘scription. When am I supposed to refill my ‘scription?
Pharmacist: … When you run out of medication, sir.
Customer: Well, how in the hell am I supposed to know that?
CVS/Pharmacy
High Point, North Carolina
Peon on phone: No, no, I believe that you sent it. I just didn’t receive it. I even told Jen* that you wouldn’t drop the ball. You are on the ball. You are on balls I haven’t even seen yet.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: OMG
Sales guy: Some people have 12 years’ experience. Some have 1 year’s experience 12 times.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: carissa lusk
Sales guy: You know how people talk about the world-wide web? The Internet? How would you spell that? W-E-B?
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
African-American co-worker: So, maybe you can help me out with this, are Italians black or Latino?
Italian-American co-worker: I’m white. Just white, man.
African American co-worker: Maybe you didn’t understand the question.
4800 University Drive
Durham, North Carolina
Young male coworker to another: You are the only cat I wanna pet.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Repairman in elevator, to another: So, what’s wrong with having sex? People been havin’ sex for hundreds of years.
Research Drive
Durham, North Carolina
Nurse: The patient in Room 39* requested a visit from a Mormon priest.
Chaplain: Really? I’ll have to call one, give me a moment. [Opens notebook] Ah, here we go. [Dials phone, waits] Hi, this is Chaplain Smith* at the hospital. I’m calling about a patient who would like a visit from a Mormon clergy-person. I haven’t visited with the patient, so I don’t know if he is a member of your congregation, but he did specifically request a visit from a Mormon. Feel free to call me back at 555-3418* when you get this message. Thanks. [Hangs up] Well, I left a message on their voicemail. I wonder if the Jehovah’s Witnesses check their messages often.
Nurse: Jehovah’s Witnesses…?
Chaplain: Oh, shit! I called the wrong church!
10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Overheard by: another witness
IT guy: Oh, good I’m back to the top of your favorite people list.
Sales assistant: What? William* the hot A/C guy got bumped down?
IT guy: William’s gone; he’s off the list.
Sales guy: Isn’t William a gerbil?
Sales assistant: That’s my gerbil! We’re talking about the A/C guy now.
Sales guy: Ask Peter* about gerbil; he likes ’em.
IT guy: Ed breeds the gerbils.
Sales guy: I breed them just for you. Hairless, clawless gerbils.
Peter: Edsgerbils.com!
Sales guy: You don’t want one with claws..
Peter: Go to Edsgerbils.com to get your hairless gerbils.
Sales guy: Don’t forget clawless… you don’t want one with claws.
Office Manager: Stop with the gerbils.
Sales guy, to himself: No… don’t want one with claws….
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
