Male coworker: I have a very lickable hand.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Male coworker: I have a very lickable hand.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Manager #1: Back in the 90s I wanted to be in a Salt ‘n Pepa video. I was in shape back then. You could bounce a quarter off my ass.
Manager #2: Was that a quarter or a quarter pounder with cheese?
4235 South Stream Boulevard
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Sanman
Supervisor: Trust me. I’ll take care of it.
Employee: The last time I heard that line I ended up pregnant.
631 Dickinson Avenue
Greenville, North Carolina
User: We want a tutorial on the website’s front page so we know how to use the website.
Tech: Well, from the front page, you just click on “Help”…
User: Yes, but we want the instructions themselves on the front page.
Tech: I’m sorry, no. The user’s only allowed to be so stupid here. They can click on the help button.
User: Oh, okay!
695 Palmer Drive
Raleigh, North Carolina
Front desk person in overhead announcement at a busy medical clinic: I need a hearse–no, I'm sorry, I need a nurse from hall three to call the front desk please. A nurse from hall three to call the front desk. Thank you.
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Overheard by: seftiri
Sales girl: Oh my god… David* is back there cleaning his office and the smell is making my head hurt.
Office manager: What’s he cleaning it with?
Sales girl: The same Fantastic crap under the sink that we all use. I’ve used it on my own desk and never been so overwhelmed by the fumes. Don’t go back there.
Office manager: Why is he cleaning it himself anyway?
Sales girl: I don’t know. (pause) He must be bathing in it. Seriously, I had to get up and walk away.
Office manager: Just close his door.
Sales girl, appalled: I can’t do that! The fumes would kill him! It would be fatal!
Office manager, grabbing her arm: Close the door. Close. The. Door.
England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Systems admin to office manager: And she didn't tell me he was coming up right behind her!
Sales assistant, walking through the room: I didn't know he was going to follow me! One minute he was in his office talking about roosters and the next minute he's standing behind me at your desk! He was sneaky!
Charlotte, North Carolina
Mail pusher #1: What do you think is in this little box?
Mail pusher #2: I don’t know… Maybe envelopes?
Mail pusher #3: Or maybe it’s uncooked crack!
9201 University City Boulevard
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Datgurl49
Sales guy: If anyone needs Larry* in the warehouse, don’t call. He’s in the dumpster.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Manager: Be sure that you take a coat with you if go over there, because when it’s warm here, it’s cold there.
Employee: In England?
Manager: Yeah, their summer is like our winter.
Employee: I don’t think so.
Manager, frustrated: Well, it’s true. I went there in May, and it was freezing. I had to wear a jacket all the time. They’re in, like, a different hemisphere, or something.
Employee, laughing: No, they aren’t. They’re just further North than we are, and their climate’s a little different. Australia’s in a different hemisphere. England is in the same hemisphere that we are — North… West.
Manager, in a cold fury: Look. I’ve been there.
Hamilton Drive
Smithfield, North Carolina
Overheard by: westward ho
