North Carolina

The Aunt Needed to Be Wormed after an Unfortunate Incident with a Tequila Bottle

Sales assistant #1: My dad came over this last weekend and wormed Annabelle for me.
Office manager: Why did your dad have to do it?
Sales assistant #2: Is this your aunt?
Office manager: Don’t you just give her a pill?
Sales assistant #1: No, you put it up her… poo.
Sales assistant #2: Ummm…
Sales assistant #3: It’s an animal, Ed*!
Sales assistant #1: My dad wormed Josie, too. He has to put the medicine up the dog’s tushy.
Sales assistant #2: Ohhh, okay, I thought this was her aunt. I’m okay now.

England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

2PM Mentoring Session

Tenured faculty guy: You know you really should start attending faculty meetings.
Non-tenured faculty guy: Why? I’m not allowed to vote on any departmental issues.
Tenured faculty guy: It would still be professionally instructive for you to attend.
Non-tenured faculty guy: But I’m already aware of the fact that this department is full of petulant egomaniacs.

Department of Mathematics
Chapel Hill, North Carolina

I Hear Metallica Is Going to Call Their Next Album “Butterfly”

Male staff #1: Hey, check out that butterfly on the window sill.
Male staff #2: Wow! That’s cool. Man, I’m not trying to sound girly, but butterflies are beautiful. I have this bush outside my house that they just love, and it’s so cool to watch them.
Male staff #1: Yeah, man, seriously. I’m not going to be covering my car with butterfly stickers, but butterflies do kick ass.
Male staff #2: Totally.

10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Overheard by: a butterfly

Just Look Over There for a Minute

Manager: How is your monitor? It's not very old, right?
Cubicle chick: It works, yeah.
Manager: I'm going to get everyone flat screens eventually, but I'm going to do it two or three at a time.
Cubicle chick: Awesome!
Manager: But yours looks pretty good for now.
Cubicle chick: I can break it if you want me to.
Manager: I'd rather…. you didn't.
Cubicle chick: Gotcha.

England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Plus Five Life. Minus Five Social Life.

IT guy to friend: I lost a job and a girlfriend to World of Warcraft…it was so worth it!

Asheville, North Carolina

Overheard by: Sarah M.

Reporters Always Ask Frodo the Same Stupid Questions

Air hostess to another: No, I would not have sex with an elf.

Raleigh, North Carolina

I Think My Grandma Had That Knitted on a Little Pillow

Coworker to another: If your balls were full of oxygen and my wife were drowning, she'd rather die than suck on your balls.

Durham, North Carolina

Welcome to the Club

Front office girl at medical spa, hanging up phone: The client says we are not taking her concerns seriously, and she is going to report us to the Surgeon General.
Ditzy manager: The Surgeon General? But we don't have anything to do with smoking!
Front office girl, under her breath: I can't believe I have to report to you.

Charlotte, North Carolina

Overheard by: OMG The IQ level here is amazing

Or, to Use the PC Term, a “Raving Nutjob”

Speech pathologist: You have the lady in room 10, right?
Behavior medicine nurse: Oh, yeah! She's crazy, ain't she?

Burlington, North Carolina

Why Nothing Ever Gets Accomplished at the U.N.

Coworker to another who has just joined the conversation: And then we segued into Lucky Charms…

Raleigh, North Carolina

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