12PM Lunch

Engineer: So, did you enjoy your Cinco de Mayo?
Secretary: Um. I was in Rhode Island for the weekend…
Engineer: Yeah, so?
Secretary: Ever been?
Engineer: Yeah, couple of times… what’s your point?
Secretary: Heh. Rhode Island is like the white-bread capital, at least the part where I go is.
Engineer: Okaayyy… so there was no Cinco de Mayo celebration?
Secretary: Dude, lemme put it this way for ya: It’s so damn white up there, they have white gardeners. Mexicans are like freakin’ nonexistant up there. And don’t even get me started on the nonexistance of black people. Hell, the last time I saw a black person while I was up there was the one we brought with us. . .and she kept singin’ “Massa got me workin'” just to freak the rest of the whities out.

One Penn Plaza
New York, New York

Overheard by: *snicker*

Posted on February 25, 2016
Engineers, Geography & History, Gripes, Holidays, New York, Questions, Race, Receptionists, Science and engineering

2PM Post-meeting

Worker #1: I can’t believe [Jim] didn’t show up for the meeting.
Worker #2: I know. He has some nerve.
Worker #1: I hope he gets a painful rash in the anal region…if you know what I mean.

245 5th Avenue
New York, NY

Posted on February 21, 2016
Body Parts, Coworkers, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, Meetings, New York, Wishes

My Cup Runneth Over, If You Follow Me

Office drone, about son's sports team: Those are the easiest balls to get on top of.

Hawthorne, New York

Posted on February 20, 2016
Body Parts, Employees, New York, Sports, Weirdness, Words

Because I Just Had a Duluxembourger for Lunch

Office idiot: Dublin and Luxembourg is two different places, right?

Wall Street
New York City, New York

Posted on February 15, 2016
Dumb Employees, General Idiocy, Geography & History, New York, Questions

If That’s Not Normal, I Don’t Want to Know What Is!

Metrosexual CSR: I don’t know — I just feel like most normal straight men shouldn’t know all the lyrics to Rent.

915 Broadway
New York, New York

Posted on February 11, 2016
Customer Service, New York, Philosophy

I Wouldn’t Still Have This Radiant Glow

Male assistant on phone: I think I’d know if I’d given birth.

Madison Avenue Office Building
New York City, New York

Posted on February 7, 2016
Default, Employees, Feelings, New York, On the phone, Sexuality, Weirdness

Don’t Be Hatin’ on the Velveeta

Office worker: At first I thought it was cheese, but that would be optimistic.

Sixth Avenue
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Eyeteeth

Posted on February 4, 2016
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Default, Meals and Snacks, New York, Sensory Experiences, Wishes

You Hate to Fire a Guy With Such Good Feng Shui, Though

Designer on phone: You lost your chi? Is it with your red shirt? He stole your chi? He's a chi-stealer!

Broadway
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Editrix

Posted on February 3, 2016
Clothes, Designers and Photographers, New York, On the phone, Questions, Weirdness, Words

3PM Paternity Leave

Suit #1: Hey, how are you? Haven’t seen you in forever! Still married?
Suit #2: Yup, expecting my first.
Suit #1: Really! When?
Suit #2: November 7th. Bitch finally finished her PhD so she could work, and now she’s pregnant!

383 Madison Avenue
New York, New York

Posted on February 3, 2016
Coworkers, General Idiocy, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, New York, Questions, Relationships, Suits

Gonna Be a Long Class

Trainer: Now, see, you just click and drag, like this. (he clicks and drags)
Employee: Wait, can you show me that again?

Saratoga Springs, New York

Posted on January 31, 2016
Employees, General Idiocy, New York, Questions, Technology