Walking man: Hey, John.
Sitting man: Sphincter says what?
Walking man: What?
Sitting man: Sphincter says what?
Walking man: What are you, five? This is a professional office.
Sitting man: You fell for it.
Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Dennis Carroll
Co-worker #1: That’s what I love about Jessica*; she’s always so quiet. Never complains about anything.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, and if you had a lobotomy you’d do the same thing.
25 Winthrop Street
Worcester, Massachusetts
Coworker: Not only am I an asshole here, I’m an asshole at home, too!
1200 Sovereign Row
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: shaun
Office-wide voicemail from IT person: Attention all H Street associates. The network will be down beginning at 10am…10pm…shit! [Hangs up]
1717 H Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Hamshank Houghmagandie
Fat lady: I want your 21-piece bucket of chicken.
Rude employee: Is that for here, or to go?
Fat lady: You think I can eat this whole thing by myself?
Rude employee: I don’t know your life. Bitch!
1406 Saint Charles Avenue
New Orleans, Louisiana
Coworker #1 on boss: Is he here? I think his light’s out.
Coworker #2: I’m not even going to touch that one.
111 E Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Hear No Evil
Car dealership counter guy: Yes, may I help you, sir?
Customer: Uh, yeah, I think I blew a seal.
Car dealership counter guy: Pal, that sounds like a personal problem to me.
1499 Route 46
Ledgewood, New Jersey
Coworker #1: Yeah, so this is what I wrote back to her. [Hands coworker #2 a piece of paper]
Coworker #2: That looks fine, and you made a good argument.
Coworker #1: Yeah, and I wasn’t mean.
Coworker #2: No, not at all.
Coworker #1: Though I did sign it “Stop being a fucking moron – Sarah*.”
Coworker #2: Good call.
3350 Riverwood Parkway
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: n-ro
Salesguy: Hon? No, i didn’t call her “hon”. . . I don’t even call my wife “hon.” Isn’t that one of those… terms of endearmeants? Is that what it’s called? [Pause] I do use the B-word a lot.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Supervisor: Well, when I was a kid, I was really ugly. I had the big thick glasses, I was tiny, it was pretty bad.
Underling: Wow.
Supervisor: Yeah, but it got better around ninth grade. That’s when I turned drop dead sexy.
Underling: So, when did it go away?
250 West Jackson Street
Spring Grove, Pennsylvania
