Boy: I don’t like Oprah. She’s kind of racist.
Girl: Oprah can’t be racist! She’s black!
Boy: Were your parents related?
Girl: What’s that got to do with anything?
710 West San Augustine, Deer Park High School
Deer Park, Texas
Overheard by: Ian Jacoby
CSR: Jesus, this coffee tastes like it was brewed in a colostomy bag.
Admin: I think it tastes delicious.
CSR: You would.
4800 NW 1st Street
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: customerserviceslave
Tech #1: I have to stop using the f-word!
Tech #2: You need something else to say. Like…”butt breath.”
Tech #1: That's nasty.
Tech #3: Not if it's a baby's butt.
St. Charles, Missouri
Male boss: So, earlier I walked down the hall calling your name, looking for you, but my wife is the one that responded…
Coworker, jokingly: That's because our names sound so much alike.
Male boss: No, I think it's because when we have sex I like to pretend she's a man and I call out your name.
Coworker: That's the most fucked-up thing you've ever said to me.
Charleston, South Carolina
Assistant manager: Ma’am, you can’t bring that puppy in here. We’re going to have to ask you to leave.
Lady carrying puppy: What? It’s a goddamn puppy! Suck my dick!
Assistant manager: You’re going to have to leave.
Lady carrying puppy, leaving: Fuck you, bitches!
Assistant manager, cheerfully: Goodbye! Shop again!
7747 Mall Road
Florence, Kentucky
Designer: You shot the Rubik’s Cube contest?
Photographer: Yeah. It was like watching fat, naked men greased up in butter sumo wrestling. You don’t want to watch, but you can’t look away.
Designer: … You know, most people use the metaphor, ‘It was like watching a train wreck,’ but you took it to a really dark place.
323 E Grand River Avenue
Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Dundie
Coworker #1: That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!
Coworker #2: I know it sounds stupid…
Coworker #1: No, it doesn’t just sound stupid, it is stupid.
10877 Watson Road
St. Louis, Missouri
Employee #1: Jane says that she feels nauseous. I think she’s going home.
Employee #2: Well Jane should take a course in English vocabulary, because if she feels nausea, then she feels ‘nauseated,’ not nauseous. To be nauseous is to be disgusting or foul.
Employee #1: You’re kinda a bitch.
Hadley Road
South Plainfield, New Jersey
Overheard by: Quitting soon
Student: Crap, I don’t know how to start.
Teacher: I can’t help you.
Student: Why not?
Teacher: If I knew this kind of crap do you think I’d be working at this ghetto school?
1133 Mission
Oceanside, California
Brit at end of conference call: I’m so glad I don’t have to hear that bloody cow anymore.
Large chick: Uh…I’m still here and heard that.
Massachusetts Avenue
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mad Phat Pat
