Clueless office girl: Wow, look at you all dressed up!
Guy peon: What? Look at you, you're the one that's always dressed up.
Clueless office girl: Well Sophie* is the real fashion whore!
Sophie*, offended: What?!
Clueless office girl: Oops, I meant to say “fashion slut”!
Sacramento, California
Receptionist: I’m sorry ma’am, but that offer expired over a month ago — we can’t honor it.
Biotech: Oh, I’m sorry, but when you’ve got a real job, it’s hard to get out sometimes.
Receptionist: Hmmm… Well, when you work two jobs and go to college full-time, sometimes it’s hard to put up with idiots.
Rivertown Parkway
Grandville, Michigan
Overheard by: Megan
Southern woman: No! You suck the head because that’s where all the juice is!
Confused employee #1: I thought your shirt said “Bite the head off and eat the meat!”
Confused employee #2: What the fuck are you sadistic bitches talking about?
Southern woman (laughing): Crawdads! I’m talking about crawdads!
West Fargo, North Dakota
Overheard by: Orion
Loan officer: Ugh, I could never be a teller.
CSR, under her breath: Yeah, well, I could never be a condescending, superior bitch.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Not a teller either
Author: I don’t know. Some of the edits don’t really work for me. What do you think?
Editor: Well, speaking as a completely biased party, I think it’s great.
Author: … You’re sure?
Editor: Absolutely, you bonehead. Can we put it to print now, or are you going to keep your thumb up your ass a while longer?
Camden Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
Exec assistant: Fuckin’ pregnant chicks…
Preggers: I didn’t even get you wet!
Waterloo
Canadia
Employee #1: I was watching American Idol, and I thought of you.
Grotesquely singing employee #2: Oh my gosh! That’s so special!
Financial center
New York, New York
Female intern: I’m not sorry.
Male worker: You should be. I missed my deadline.
Female intern: You missed your deadline because you are hungover, like, every day.
Male worker: Compounded by the fact I have to mentor skanks at work!
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Blondie
Co-worker #1: Hey! Stop calling me psycho!
Co-worker #2: Sorry sir, I didn’t know you could read my thoughts.
401 NW 4th Street
Evansville, Indiana
Female marketing executive to male sales executive: Well, you can just suck my imaginary dick!
Research Boulevard
Rockville, Maryland
