Employee #1: Dude, would you ever fuck a dead chick?
Employee #2: What? No! (pause) Would you?
Employee #1: Well, only if she was still warm.
Wheaton, Illinois
Overheard by: MindControlFun
Employee #1: Dude, would you ever fuck a dead chick?
Employee #2: What? No! (pause) Would you?
Employee #1: Well, only if she was still warm.
Wheaton, Illinois
Overheard by: MindControlFun
Boss: So I have this client, and he's kind of slightly mentally retarded, and he's a huge Cubs fan…
Underling, not missing a beat: That's like saying “I need to go the to the ATM machine to get cash money so I can pay for my beef with au jus.”
Boss, blinking and frowning: I don't get it. And I'm a Cubs fan!
Wicker Park
Chicago, Illinois
Office lady to another: I don't care if he's married. I would make a great step wife. Wait, is that even a thing? A step wife?
Chicago, Illinois
Cube monkey: I feel like I can't go to the bathroom by myself anymore.
Chicago, Illinois
Coworker on cell: Hand. Hand. Balls, boobs… Smudge. What?
University of Illinois
Chicago, Illinois
Yelling assistant manager, after hitting “print” and hearing printer go “beep”: Don't touch it! I'm coming!
Pekin, Illinois
Boss #1: Look at all that red on there!
Secretary: Yeah, well, it's a short paragraph.
Boss #1: Well, you know what they say about guys with short paragraphs…
Boss #2: You get red fast!
Boss #1: It's not the size of the paragraph that matters, it's the frequency.
Oak Brook, Illinois
Boss to employee: Here's a thought: why don't you stop being such a parasite?
Bar
Chicago, Illinois
Customer service manager: He said that since he paid so much for the service contract, we should give him a replacement print head for free.
Sales manager: I'm not giving that fucker any head!
Elk Grove Village, Illinois
Overheard by: Leelluu
Student worker: I'm trying to figure out which class to take. I heard Dr Smith* is a big dick, though.
Graduate student #1: The word you're really looking for is “has.”
Graduate student #2: Well, I guess we all know who's getting that teaching assistant spot.
Charlestown, Illinois
Overheard by: Overworked English Grad
