Middle-aged woman: Can I have extra sauerkraut with that? I love sauerkraut but never get it at home, even though I live in a neighborhood with lots of German food. It gives me gas.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: formerteenhero
Middle-aged woman: Can I have extra sauerkraut with that? I love sauerkraut but never get it at home, even though I live in a neighborhood with lots of German food. It gives me gas.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: formerteenhero
Office guy #1: It's a little cold, both inside and outside.
Office girl: But not in our hearts!
Office guy #2, points at girl's coffee mug: What are you drinking?
Office girl: Brandy.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: University Lackey
Marketing drone: There is an island near New Guinea where all the animals are small. There is a pygmy puma that survives on moths.
(silence from marketing room)
Marketing drone: Moths!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Sumi
Boss on phone: So take a Sudafed, wash it down with a glass of whiskey. You'll sleep for twelve hours. It says “don't take with alcohol,” which means you should definitely take it with alcohol.
Highland Park, Illinois
Overheard by: Office Peon
Coworker #1: We should have a race to see who can put the windows in faster!
Coworker #2: Wait, does anyone even know how to put windows in?
Coworker #3, making inappropriate hand motions: I do! You just put it in the hole and nail it!
Pekin, Illinois
Employee #1: Dude, would you ever fuck a dead chick?
Employee #2: What? No! (pause) Would you?
Employee #1: Well, only if she was still warm.
Wheaton, Illinois
Overheard by: MindControlFun
Boss: So I have this client, and he's kind of slightly mentally retarded, and he's a huge Cubs fan…
Underling, not missing a beat: That's like saying “I need to go the to the ATM machine to get cash money so I can pay for my beef with au jus.”
Boss, blinking and frowning: I don't get it. And I'm a Cubs fan!
Wicker Park
Chicago, Illinois
Office lady to another: I don't care if he's married. I would make a great step wife. Wait, is that even a thing? A step wife?
Chicago, Illinois
Cube monkey: I feel like I can't go to the bathroom by myself anymore.
Chicago, Illinois
Coworker on cell: Hand. Hand. Balls, boobs… Smudge. What?
University of Illinois
Chicago, Illinois
