I’ll Shave This Beard, Put on a Nice Dress and Get on the Bus

Coworker to self: I can’t perpetuate this freak show.

West Superior Street
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on June 2, 2015
Coworkers, Gripes, Illinois

Yeah, But I Spent Years in Medical School Honing Those Skills

Nurse to doctor: I mean, you've got to have something to live for.
Doctor to nurse: Yeah, you at least gotta be able to fuck somebody or piss somebody off.
Nurse to doctor: And from what I hear, you're great at both!

Springfield, Illinois

Overheard by: SWARD

Posted on June 2, 2015
Doctors, Illinois, Nurses, Philosophy, Violence, Weirdness

Ironically, It Was Cherry

Girl: Did you go to sleep right away or were there bedtime activities?
Boy: No, we did not have sex because I was so full of pie!

The Loop
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on June 1, 2015
Friends, Illinois, Meals and Snacks, Questions, Sexuality

Same Time Zone, Way Different Area Code

Employee: I just flew in from Spain yesterday, I’m totally jetlagged.
Department head: Spain? Is that in a different time zone?

4220 N. St. Louis Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on May 31, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, Dumb Bosses, General Idiocy, Geography & History, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, Illinois

I Knew Letting Dennis Quaid Pilot a Ship inside My Body Was a Poor Idea

Cube dweller: Ow, my pancreas!

30 North La Salle Street
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on May 23, 2015
Coworkers, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, Illinois

Smithers: Oh, Mr. Burns, Really!?

Sales manager: Do me a favor and go help that customer.
Employee: Can't I just touch you inappropriately and get sent home because I make you feel really uncomfortable?
Sales manager: Maybe if I thought there was some feeling behind it.

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on May 23, 2015
Employees, Feelings, Hiring & Firing, Illinois, Questions, Sales, Sexuality

4PM Update Contacts

Secretary on phone: Hi, I have tried twice now to establish myself as the main contact person for our firm with your company via your online customer service, and it still won’t change the name…Yes, and I’m considering legally changing my name to [Nathan Blumenthal] because apparently that would be easier than getting it changed with your printing service.

19 South LaSalle Street
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on May 18, 2015
Gripes, Illinois, On the phone, Receptionists

We Apologize for Bothering You by Phone, But We've Already Put a Symbol in the Sky to No Avail

CSR: Hello Mrs. Batman? This is Robin calling from your hearing aid company about your recent hearing aid purchase. (pause) No, I'm not kidding. My name really is Robin and I'm calling about your hearing aid.

DeKalb, Illinois

Overheard by: Rich

Posted on May 18, 2015
Customer Service, Customer Support, Health & Hygiene, Illinois, Names, On the phone, Weirdness

That’s Too Hard — I’m Just Gonna Buy My Own

Photo coordinator looking for staples: Why are there paper clips in this box?
Photo editor: What?
Photo coordinator: See — it says ‘staples,’ but there are paper clips in here.
Photo editor: Dude, it’s from Staples. You need the box that says ‘staples’ twice.

Prudential Plaza
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on May 13, 2015
Coworkers, General Idiocy, Illinois

Though Either One Could Beat Batman in a Fight

Writer to editorial assistant: Ham is more powerful than bacon, unless you eat a lot of bacon.

Hinsdale, Illinois

Posted on May 9, 2015
Compare and contrast, Employees, General Idiocy, Illinois, Meals and Snacks, Writers and Editors