Coworker on phone: Well, we just have to have choices because he is a vegetarian. (pause) Yeah, milk is okay, it's dairy, just no turkey or ham. (pause) Sure, eggs are fine, that's dairy. (pause) Well, I mean, it's fine, it hasn't been born yet!
Charlotte, North Carolina
Co-worker #1: Oh my god, I keep getting the hiccups!
Co-worker #2: Try holding your breath for ten minutes.
2815 Colby Avenue
Everett, Washington
Coworker, discussing why he can't go to lunch: I would fart once in my room on Saturday, and it would totally blow my mind. Then it would proceed to blow everyone else's minds in every other room upstairs. Like, seriously, Joe* was like “did you drop a deuce?” and I was like “no.” Then I proceeded to fart exclusively in the bathroom for the rest of the weekend, and bring a pack of matches too.
Crozet, Virginia
Overheard by: Cube Monkey
Guy to coworker at the next urinal, who just farted: Are you serious?!
St. Petersburg, Florida
Male IT worker: Body glitter is not that hard to wash off.
Richmond, Virginia
Lawyer on phone: Well yes, he has a lot of problems… Most pressing of which is that his penis is malfunctioning.
Huntington, New York
Overheard by: Lady Lawyer
Receptionist on phone, about sister's recent miscarriage: It's because she's a pill-popper. And she still smokes weed. The methadone was okay, though, because a lot of pregnant women do that.
Springfield, Massachusetts
Angry office manager, looking at promotional material: It looks like someone ate alphabet soup and shat all over this document.
K Street
Washington, DC
Overheard by: must have been too muct text on the page…….
Office girl #1: I have a canker sore.
Office girl #2: Maybe it’s herpes.
Office girl #1: No — I wish.
971 Coley Drive
Mountain Home, Arkansas
Overheard by: data entry girl
Boss: Did you see [Martha]’s eye?
Underling: No, why?
Boss: She’s got pink eye.
Underling: Oh wow, that sucks.
Boss: I’m afraid.
Underling: Why?
Boss: [Martha] was looking at me all day.
Underling: What?
Boss: I can get pink eye if she looks at me, right?
Underling: I don’t think pink eye is communicable via the act of looking.
8270 Greensboro Drive
McLean, Virginia
