10AM Work Phone

Staff Auditor: Hey [Senior Audtior], your wife is on the phone. Should we tell her the audit room smells too badly and you will call her back?
Senior Auditor: Yeah…

2345 Crystal Drive
Arlington, Virginia

Overheard by: Smell E. Lotz

Posted on April 1, 2015
Bosses, Coworkers, Family, Gripes, Questions, Virginia

3PM Birthday Cake!

Boss: And happy birthday to [Chris]. Today is his birthday
[Chris]: My birthday isn’t today, it’s in May.
Boss: This [planner] thing is useless.
Employee #2: It’s only as good as what you put into it.

111 South Michigan Avenue
Saginaw, Michigan

Posted on April 1, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, Comebacks, General Idiocy, Gripes, Michigan, Time Management

And Stick It up His Nose

Lady: What’s his new obsession with cocaine? Is that, like, his new drug of choice or something? ‘Cause I’m telling you, I’m about ready to have this baby just to spite him.

1548 Lee Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: Fin

Posted on March 31, 2015
Coworkers, Gripes, Hiring & Firing, Midwest, Ohio, Substance Use & Abuse, Time Management

Cat Burglars and Ninjas Have Ruined Blackness For Everyone

Black guy: What would you say if I said I wanted to get a Mystic Tan?
Tanning consultant: Oh, you could. It would give you a nice glow.
Black guy: You’re not even going to discourage me?! I would never get a spray on tan. The blacker you are, the higher people assume your crime rate is.

North 222 Plaza
Reading, Pennsylvania

Posted on March 30, 2015
Consultants, Customers, Gripes, Pennsylvania, Questions, Race

How to Get Put on Hold Until Your Kid’s Out of Diapers

Staff: Hi, this is Happy Toddler, Inc.*, how can I help you?
Customer: I bought these Happy Toddler baby wipes yesterday and instead of a single wipe you’d expect to be protruding from the center so you can pull them out, this one I got had a bunch of wipes protruding out, looking like a hernia. I had to hold down the bulk of the wipes from the center. I had to get my tweezers and fish into the depths of the container and finally pull out a wipe.
Staff: Ok, ma’am. Can I put you on hold?

Perth, Western Australia

Overheard by: only hernia-ed it

Posted on March 29, 2015
Australia, Customer Service, Customers, Gripes, On the phone, Questions

That Mathy Stuff Frightens Me

Professor: Well, then I saw that there were equations involved, so I freaked out.

3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: LabCat

Posted on March 28, 2015
Gripes, Maryland, Teachers

So I Knew All the Questions Ahead of Time

GRE taker #1: That math section sure was hard.
GRE taker #2: Yeah, I was real confused with the angle-side-angle calculations.
GRE taker #1: I thought it was tough, too, but thankfully I took astrology last semester.

Fayetteville State University
Fayetteville, North Carolina

Posted on March 24, 2015
General Idiocy, Gripes, Midsouth, North Carolina, Students

11AM Smoke Break

Bookseller: I cleaned up all the damn puppets. All of them! Then, watched as a father allowed his children to throw all of them on the floor, play for an hour, then leave them. He grinned at me, said ‘Kids, right?’, then left. It took all I had not to tear that grin off his face, and shove it so far up his fucking ass that I could then reattach it backwards…Wow, four hours really is too long to go without a cigarette!
Cashier: That was the best image I’ve had all day. Go smoke so that I can savor it alone.

430 W Vine Street
Lexington, Kentucky

Overheard by: Laughing coworker