Expert Publicist #1: You know what,ya did a shitty job of selling that to the client.
Expert Publicist #2: What’re ya talking about?
Expert Publicist #1: You know, what ya gotta do, ya gotta sell it, ya gotta masturbate his brain.
Expert Publicist #2: What?
Expert Publicist #1: Well if you don’t wanna do it, I’ll masturbate him!
11 Stone Street
New York, NY
Customer: Man, you have a shitty fucking job.
Sales rep: Yeah.
Whitcoulls
Lower Hutt
New Zealand
Overheard by: You Bet I Did
Control room guy: I’m sorry, but if you get a hard-on from another guy, YOU’RE GAY. You can’t just say you were just acting. DeNiro couldn’t even act that well.
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Dispatcher to supervisor: The customer on the phone is pissed off and talking about canceling all her services.
Manager, walking by: It's because we suck!
San Francisco, California
Staff Auditor: Hey [Senior Audtior], your wife is on the phone. Should we tell her the audit room smells too badly and you will call her back?
Senior Auditor: Yeah…
2345 Crystal Drive
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Smell E. Lotz
Boss: And happy birthday to [Chris]. Today is his birthday
[Chris]: My birthday isn’t today, it’s in May.
Boss: This [planner] thing is useless.
Employee #2: It’s only as good as what you put into it.
111 South Michigan Avenue
Saginaw, Michigan
Lady: What’s his new obsession with cocaine? Is that, like, his new drug of choice or something? ‘Cause I’m telling you, I’m about ready to have this baby just to spite him.
1548 Lee Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Fin
Black guy: What would you say if I said I wanted to get a Mystic Tan?
Tanning consultant: Oh, you could. It would give you a nice glow.
Black guy: You’re not even going to discourage me?! I would never get a spray on tan. The blacker you are, the higher people assume your crime rate is.
North 222 Plaza
Reading, Pennsylvania
Staff: Hi, this is Happy Toddler, Inc.*, how can I help you?
Customer: I bought these Happy Toddler baby wipes yesterday and instead of a single wipe you’d expect to be protruding from the center so you can pull them out, this one I got had a bunch of wipes protruding out, looking like a hernia. I had to hold down the bulk of the wipes from the center. I had to get my tweezers and fish into the depths of the container and finally pull out a wipe.
Staff: Ok, ma’am. Can I put you on hold?
Perth, Western Australia
Overheard by: only hernia-ed it
Professor: Well, then I saw that there were equations involved, so I freaked out.
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
