Accountant: By the way, fuck Betsy Ross.
Santa Monica, California
Accountant: By the way, fuck Betsy Ross.
Santa Monica, California
Supervisor: Oh, my husband is in your homeland this week!
Asian supervisor: Oh, California?
Supervisor: Uh, well, I actually meant China. But he’ll be in California in a few weeks.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Deputy: That guy told the judge that the crack they found up his ass wasn’t his.
Police station
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: more information than anyone needed
Copy writer #1: What is a leap year?
Copy writer #2 (disdainfully): It has to do with making up time that people screwed up back in the day.
Main Street, Buffalo
Mom: We can visit the Eli Whitney museum.
Kid: Who is he?
Mom: He invented gin.
Connecticut
Overheard by: Geoff
Sales manager #1: I just got a contract back from Denmark.
Sales manager #2: Denmark, Germany?
Sales manager #1: No. (pause) Denmark, Denmark.
Resort Hotel
Florida
Overheard by: Underpaid
Co-worker #1: I’m going to go wander the halls. I’m gonna take this reading material.
Co-worker #2: Oh, those halls. Well, deck the halls.
901 Mission Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Julia Goolia
Old drone: My dad, when he got older, cut off his mustache, but then it wouldn't grow back in all the way, and he looked like Hitler.
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
Student on phone: Sir, as a current student at XYZ College*, I know I can talk to you about all the improvements that we’ve made since you attended…. Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. No… No, I didn’t realize you hated XYZ. I will be sure to tell him that… Repeat after you? Sir, please… I promise I’ll tell him… Okay, sir, I’ll tell him that you said that everyone at this school can fuck themselves and suck your 70-year-old balls… Thank you. You have a good night, too, sir.
515 Loudon Road
Loudonville, New York
Overheard by: trying not to laugh while on the phone
General manager to sales guy: You are such a candy-assed, chicken-shit, pansy son of a gun!
Warehouse manager to sales guy: Dude, I’ve dated girls that are more of a man than you are!
Receptionist to warehouse manager: Yeah, but you’re from Jersey.
Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Nikki
