General Idiocy

It’s Like She Won’t Even Make an Effort to Be Normal

Woman peon, going to holiday party: So, did you RSVP to this, or just talk to Sandy*?
Bimbette peon: I RSVP-ed — it’s so rude not to. I have a friend who I always invite out, and she never comes.
Woman peon: I hate one-sided friendships.
Bimbette peon: Yeah, I mean, she has MS, but she’s always using it as an excuse not to go out. I leave her phone messages, and her husband will call me back and say that she can’t go out because her MS is bad. I mean, come on!
Woman peon: That’s terrible. How long has she had it?
Bimbette peon: Since I’ve known her… So, 1995. But, I mean, can’t you take a pill for something like that and be okay for a while? The least she could do is return a phone call.

8521 Leesburg Pike
Vienna, Virginia

Overheard by: Lindsay

When the Boss Is Happy, We Can All Relax

Boss, quietly singing: I’m a chubby little monkey, monkey, monkey — I’m a chubby little monkey…

Harris Street
Pyrmont
Australia

Overheard by: i am too!

… How Many of You Believe I Am a Douchebag?

Conference call leader: Okay, so, by a show of hands…

40th Street and 5th Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: Super Mike

By Virtue of Entertainment Not Provided

Suit #1: You can’t deny that Bryant Gumbel is an entertainer.
Suit #2: Yes, you can.

77 Massachusetts Avenue
Cambridge, Massachusetts

And Leap Weeks

Bimbette: Twenty days — that’s, like, five weeks, right?
Patient peon: No.
Bimbette: I mean, business days.
Patient peon: … No.

Mercer Street
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: choking on giggles

Sadly, the Answer to “Where’s the Bathroom?”

Consultant giving directions over phone: Yeah, it’s like an hour away. An hour and a half at the most. Actually, it could be more like two hours… Or two and a half. Probably more like three. About four, I’d say.

Queen Street
Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Kate

Why Professors Drink.

Professor: So, what did you think of the reading?
Student: Well, when I read the first part, I was like, ‘Dang!’
Professor: Um…
Student: And when I read the last part, I was like, ‘Dang! I mean, dang!’

University of North Texas
Denton, Texas

And They Wear These Little Hats to Prevent Alien Mind Control

Lady peon, back from vacation: Yeah, so in Israel they have something called Shabbat every Friday. I think it’s a chicken dish.

2701 NW Vaughn Street
Portland, Oregon

And the Bar’s Set Pretty High in Australia

CSR #1, after moving offices: Does the mouse get plugged into the monitor or the computer?
CSR #2: [Stares in disbelief and silence, and then starts laughing.]CSR #1: I can’t believe I just said that. That’s the most stupid question I’ve ever heard!

Perth
Australia

Which Is Why I Had You Read That Book on Smoke Signals

Coworker: Here’s the information you wanted.
Boss: I don’t want paper — it’ll get lost on my desk.
Coworker: Do you want me to e-mail them to you?
Boss: No! It’ll get lost in my inbox.
Coworker: So to get this straight, you don’t want the info on paper or e-mail?

Washington

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