Male employee: Oh, I’m sorry. I could’ve scared you and you could’ve fallen.
Female employee sitting in an open, screenless window: That’s okay, you didn’t scare me.
Male employee: You look like you’re going to jump. Please don’t jump out the window. We really need someone to answer the phones.
98th Street and West End
New York, New York
Overheard by: adrienne
Manager: Can you find these three files in our system?
Ditzy librarian: Sure. It'll either take me five minutes, or longer than five minutes.
Mississauga
Ontaro
Canadia
Literature professor: I don’t mean to turn Baudelaire into a snuff film… I mean, a slasher film! A slasher film! Oh, never mind.
Batelle Building, University, Massachusetts Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: nic
Girl #1: I feel like I'm pregnant.
Girl #2: Maybe you are.
Girl #1: But, it was anal sex.
Girl #2: But I think it could still pass through.
Girl #1: “Pass through?”
Girl #2: Yeah, I think sometimes it can.
Girl #1: Oh god.
Girl #2: I think I've heard it could. You'd better go get checked out.
Girl #1: Oh, god!
Girl #2: You're even looking kind of…bigger.
Illinois
Customer's spawn: I hope we get change so I can get the pennies with Lincoln on them!
Bagger: Dude… All pennies have Lincoln on them.
Medina, Ohio
Overheard by: Foxtrot
Worker #1: Today was like International Day at McDonalds this morning. Not one person spoke with a Midwest accent…I was gonna be like, “Oh, they are so fucking up my breakfast.”
Worker #2: Did you hear that there are more terrorists in Ohio?
Worker #1: Yeah? First they want to blow up our malls here in the city, now kill the President. They are always in Ohio. You never hear about them in like, Montana. That’s where the Nazis are.
Worker #3: Yeah, the terrorists are up there on the 4th floor…You should go up there.
Worker #2: I’m not going up there.
Worker #1: They do have a nice floor up there.
1 Easton Oval
Columbus, Ohio
Intern #1: Sorry, I can't go out tonight. I have to get a tattoo.
Intern #2: Oh, what are you getting?
Intern #1: This proverb: “time wasted can never be reclaimed.”
Intern #2: That's deep.
Intern #1: Yeah, it was between that and a lollipop on my hand. But I did a Twitter poll and they voted on the proverb.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Hanly
Suit at bistro: There are some things a shoe tree can not fix.
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: BumbleBree
Manager: Where is the post office? Who even goes to the post office? That’s just stupid!
Canal Street and 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Boss: I'm Mexican, but I love tacos.
Tulsa, Oklahoma
